mykeowl
New
Reged: 10/01/08
Posts: 2
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My wife and i seperated about a year ago. I have two girls, 17 and 18. My wife is the Cp but we live about 20 min apart so they come and go as they please.
One is away in college which we both supplement and one is a high school senior and will also be going away to college next fall. We agreed to support payments without the courts, which i thought was fair, but she always wants more and more. At this point i think it would be better to go through the courts. We both work and salary almost the same.
My question is, do i have to pay support for the child thats away in college, at the same rate as the one living at home, plus continue paying for her living expenses in school.
2nd. When the 17yr old goes away to college next year, do i have to continue paying to the wife as if they are sill at living home plus supplement their living expenses in collage.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Most states cut a kid off from profiting from the divorce at age 18 (or graduation from high school)... Which means that for an adult child, anything you give in those states is voluntary, a gift, a decision made out of the goodness of your heart.
Custodial parents in those states are smart to encourage good relationships between the kids and thier NCPs so that the NCPs will feel charitable towards them in adulthood and be willing to pay for... whateer parents of adults pay for... part of college, some living expenses, weddings, the first car... down payment on a house... wahtever.
Tell us what state you're in. There are a rare few which force an NCP to pay for college, whether or not the family was the college-bound type. In THOSE states, a parent in one of the majority of families who do NOT send thier kids to school can force the NCP to pay for it anyways... even if they'd not have been able to afford it if they were together. THOSE states are ridiculously alienating... who cares if the NCP keeps a good relationship with the kid... hell... the CP gets MORE money if they can convince the kid to go to school so tha tthe child support keeps up.
Now, of the few states that require child support through college, most of them DO claim to look at the parent's means, and they don't require payment for private schools... it's usually only the local, in-state, public college resident tuition fees that are required.
This mostly depends upon which state you're in.
In my state, you'd be so close to finishing the whole child support thing that it'd almost not be worth it... one kid with another 6 months left before graduation ... by the time your case got to a judge, the support would be over... rather to wait till it's over and just file a notice that both kids are emancipated and WHOOSH, the child support vanishes and you get to contribute whatever you're in the mood to contribute based upon how much you feel for the kids and how well they're doing, whether they're wasting time or whether they have a goal in mind... whatever is YOUR PERSONAL choice about what criteria to use in deciding how much support to give.
Check out what your state rules for this are, but you might find that you're paying WAAAY more than requried... which is infuriating while being treated like a deadbeat.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]
Tell us what state you're in. There are a rare few which force an NCP to pay for college, whether or not the family was the college-bound type. [/quote]
Since he is posting on a NEW JERSEY board, I'm going to take a wild leap and say NEW JERSEY.
And New Jersey has child support through college. In addition to each parent paying a portion of the child(ren)'s college.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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Sorry, I don't look at which board someone is from... I was just looknig at his profile... no need to get snide
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mykeowl
New
Reged: 10/01/08
Posts: 2
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Yes I live in the state of New Jersey.
I just feel it is somewhat unfair that i'm supplementing her college cost in excess of what the financial aid does not cover, which i'm glad to do, and in addition to that i have to pay child support as if she is still living at home.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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I'm so sorry to hear that. My suggestion for people who live in those states where college support is not optional is to find a lawyer who will help you re-structure things so that it makes sense for your income and the child's reasonable expectations. Also do it before the age of 18 because once the kid is emancipated, there's at least one state (I don't think it was NJ), where the kid turns 18 and if the child is no longer living with the previous CP, but moves in with teh previous NCP... the NCP no longer has the opportunity to go back and amend the custody arrangement, so technically they might still owe support to the former CP EVEN THOUGH they re now the child's entire support, and the child's home, and the one who is paying for the college. They are STILL obligated to keep paying the darned support to a former CP who no longer even has to feed the kid or keep a roof over their head.
This was because the custody order is only amendable as long as the child is under age (in that state)... so please, run to find a lawyer to make sure you have your state's particular situation settled before that younger one graduates. Don't rely on people here to inform you entirely about the law, there's too much money at stake for the 4 years after high school, that it's worth getting the information straight from the horse's mouth.
Let us know what they say, please.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]Sorry, I don't look at which board someone is from... I was just looknig at his profile... no need to get snide [/quote]
I am sorry that I was snide.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]Yes I live in the state of New Jersey.
I just feel it is somewhat unfair that i'm supplementing her college cost in excess of what the financial aid does not cover, which i'm glad to do, and in addition to that i have to pay child support as if she is still living at home. [/quote]
I can understand that. You could probably get it in the court order that you pay the support directly to your child. My aunt and her ex-husband have to pay child support (their older brother has had physical custody since they were 16 1/2) directly to their daughter. The reason they don't have to pay for college is that she is getting a free ride due to grants and scholarships (it helps being at the top of the class).
In my court order, it is both college costs (after grants, scholarships and financial aide has been exhausted) and child support. Child support stops after they graduate high school if they choose not to go to college.
A judge will sign off on any agreement that you and your stbx come to.
If they live at college, it will probably go to them. But chances are, considering that my ex and I aren't rich, they will have to live with one of us as it costs more to live on campus. Who the kids live with determines who gets the child support.
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powerforword
New
Reged: 09/25/06
Posts: 4
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FYI.........I just went to the courthouse for this and was told I have to continue paying child support until age 23 or until my daughter graduates/ unless she dosen't finish. The only option is to file a motion to pay the support to your child instead of your x. This motion has a high failure %. In summery NJ law SUCKS.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5141
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I want to ask, Powerforward... did you go to the courthouse and ask about this BEFORE the kids wer ein college or AFTER? BEFORE you had an agreement with the ex or AFTER? And finally, did you ask a clerk at the courthouse or did you do what it takes to get the case in front of a judge and have it heard properly. Clerks are not lawyers and should not be giving legal advice, but it seems they do it all the time, trying to be helpful but often being inaccurate...
These things can often be fixed to make more sense if you nip them in the bud, catch them before it's set in stone, etc. And of course a lot of people go the do-it-yourself divorce route, only to find out years later that they missed huge things... like this obligation to pay for child support till the kids were 23 years old... stuff a lawyer might have told them. And think fo it... 5 more years worth of child support? HOW MUCH lawyer time would 5 extra years worth of child support have paid off?
Sorry... hindsight is 20-20, but for the guys who still have a chance, like maybe the original poster in this thread, it's a good thing to face the future squarely in the face and say, "I'm not going to do what that dude did... I'm going to check this out before it's too late".
Lessons learned?
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