LookingUp
New
Reged: 10/04/08
Posts: 7
Loc: Atlantic Canada
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Where I live, I have the option of two types of divorce:
(1) I can file for legal separation which separates our assets, real estate, and starts my portion of his retirement/spousal support (if granted); and if the separation is uncontested for 12 months, then the divorce is granted.
(2) I can file for legal separation/divorce together since there was physical abuse and I moved to a women's shelter for my physical protection.
I've already taken back my maiden name as it doesn't require a court order where I live.
Both my attorney and police recommend divorce #1. I'd prefer #2 so the abuse is documented since I have chosen not to press charges. That notation on the divorce might be a little red flag to any future partners. Of course, abusers can be so charming, I'm sure he'd sweet-talk any potential partner into thinking I abused myself or deserved the abuse.
The advantage of #1 is that soon-to-be-Ex would have to wait a year to marry his girlfriend; and hopefully she'd realize he's an abuser prior to that so her young son wouldn't have to go through the trauma of a controlling, abusive step-father.
The advantage of #2 is that there would be closure sooner.
Does anybody see any other advantages of either option?
Thanks,
LookingUp
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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Do you have children with your stbx? If so, I would go with option #2. You may be able to tie his having to attend anger management classes into his being allowed to see the kid(s) overnight or unsupervised.
Which way would be quicker, if there are no kids, in ending your marriage? That is the way to go, in my opinion.
BTW, I think you should press charges against him. If he is convicted, that will be a bigger red flag than what you put in a divorce decree. And he may actually be ordered to attend classes to help him stop being an abuser. And he would have a criminal record following him whereever he goes.
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LookingUp
New
Reged: 10/04/08
Posts: 7
Loc: Atlantic Canada
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Question: Do you have children with your stbx?
Answer: (I couldn't figure out how to quote)No children together. We've had an empty nest for 5 years - that's when the big problems started.
Question: BTW, I think you should press charges against him. If he is convicted, that will be a bigger red flag than what you put in a divorce decree. And he may actually be ordered to attend classes to help him stop being an abuser. And he would have a criminal record following him whereever he goes.
Answer: When stbEX discovered I'd given my statement to the police, he quickly gave his lie-packed statement. He says he was defending himself. I think the police department leaked to him that I'd given a statement. The police and my lawyer say since he gave that statement that it could go either way and I could end up serving time if the court believed him over me. It was a one-time incident of physical abuse which was well documented with two MD reports, X-rays, and photos of my injuries. His only injury was where he rammed his head into my chest when he pushed me down and jumped on top of me and busted his lip in the process - but he didn't go to the MD for that.
LookingUp
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]Answer: When stbEX discovered I'd given my statement to the police, he quickly gave his lie-packed statement. He says he was defending himself. I think the police department leaked to him that I'd given a statement. The police and my lawyer say since he gave that statement that it could go either way and I could end up serving time if the court believed him over me. It was a one-time incident of physical abuse which was well documented with two MD reports, X-rays, and photos of my injuries. His only injury was where he rammed his head into my chest when he pushed me down and jumped on top of me and busted his lip in the process - but he didn't go to the MD for that.
LookingUp [/quote]
I would consult with a different attorney. You have documented evidence of his assault. I don't think you have as much to worry about as your stbx does.
The fact that there are no children is going to make it somewhat easier to never have anything to do with him after your divorce is final.
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