Divorce Support Forums: Are anniversary's just not as important to men?

I find men are better at looking forward to something than at looking backward. They can know the anniversary is important to you, but it's last year, or the year before, or 20 years ago... os what can POSSIBLY be so important about it? Especially when there's a mortgage payment due next week?

But they really like having reminders from us about what we think is important, and what we'd like to get/do for that date, and that it's important to us. They need help in figuring out that something is of higher priority than paying this month's mortgage... but once they get it, they will be all full of making plans... looking AHEAD to the event of the anniversary. They are great at THAT part of it... especially if they think it's going to get them a fun time (wink, wink), rather than a naggy time.

Coming up close to the momentous day, then being reminded... is ONLY painful to them. They think we're blaming them for being somehow evilly forgetful of something they don't understand how important is really is to us because it's the PAST... so they get bewildered about why, but they somehow know for sure that they're in serious trouble over it and the whole event for THEM is a big scramble to obtain forgiveness.

It's much more likely to be remembered, time & again, if it's a positive and successful experience for them... which means that many times in a row you need to remind them far enough inadvance, and give them ideas of what will make you happy, that they'll have time to set aside the time in thier work schedule, to maek the preparations, and basically make it a successful event rathr than a scramble for remedial kudos...

And if my guy think he's getting sex from it, or heck... just a happy wife out of it... he's ALL full of making it happen. He just has to be reminded that THIS is teh day where he is MOST likely to get a happy wife out of paying attention.

It's interesting. I see him bringing home flowers on a random day and ... well, the first time he was almost disappointed that I didn't make a big deal abotu it as if it was an anniversary. I figured it out and started making a big deal out of EVERY time he brings home flowers, even when it's NOT a special occasion. So now I'm one of those lucky ladies who does get them, even when it's NOT an apology or a special occasion. And all it takes is me reminding him, appreciating him, enjoying it rather than turning stuff into a struggle.

Since he missed it for you this year, maybe you could schedule a "make-up" anniversary and give him plenty of advance notice, without making it like he really messed up by missing it but instead acting all understadning about it this year????