lettinggo
Platinum
Reged: 06/05/07
Posts: 591
Loc: Michigan
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I'm just in a mood tonight...
LONELY!! I really miss having someone at home with me at night. I reflect back on those "tender" moments that my ex had. You know the ones...where when they are holding you everything just feels so right. At that time I would have NEVER thought I'd be where I am now. He use to be the sweetest when it came to those moments. Then he just changed...heck maybe I changed. But I know we both changed and I just couldn't get it back. After the cheating, it was done and there was no going back ever. I just really miss having someone to go to bed with, snuggle with, talk with, tell my daily happenings too.
Guess I'm just having a mix of emotions right now. For the most part I do well...tonight is just a little hard on me. I guess I just feel like I will be alone forever...why haven't I met someone. Not that I want a full blow relationship but just someone to find comfort in, you know?
Well that was just my little rant for the night...feel a little better now. Hope everyone else is having a better night:)
Jenn
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Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go
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CityGirl
Platinum
Reged: 06/11/08
Posts: 634
Loc: Texas
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Well, I think the ones we were with weren't the right ones for us. So if you felt good with the wrong one, just think how much better your life will be when you meet that someone who is just right for you, that you can tell all your secrets to, that understands what your feeling and snuggles just right. Then each of us will be able to recognize it for what a glorious and wonderful thing it is, and we'll know better than to take it for granted. Maybe we had to go through what we went through in order to get to a much better placre?? I sure hope so.
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Itsnotfair04
Bronze
Reged: 09/23/08
Posts: 25
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Jenn,
I know how you feel,it takes time.I just went through a divorce & I hate coming home to no one so your not alone but remember in time you will find love again.I am trying to find that special person myself & in time I think I will.Cheer up & think positive and most importantly SMILE & don't make yourself feel worse.Just think you can start a new life & I believe in happy endings & most importantly so should YOU.
Regards :)
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phyzguy
Platinum
Reged: 05/15/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Cali
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Jenn-
I totally hear what you are saying. It is hard to come home to an empty house and not have anybody.
You said, "I guess I just feel like I will be alone forever...why haven't I met someone." The pain from a D is pretty horrendous. Of course you want it to go away. Of course you want to wake up from this like it was a bad dream. And it feels like it will take forever.... and that the pain will NEVER go away.
I honestly don't know what to tell you. I'm in the middle of it too, and the pain is horrendous at times. But the pain has subsided SOME.
Oddly, even the stbx is feeling the pain of being alone too. She texted me the other day saying that she was really sorry for withdrawing into her computer or a novel for so many evenings, and that she now understands how lonely I must have felt.
So, I guess we all go through it. I NEVER thought my stbx would go through it since she was all about her solitude. ;(
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Tibi ipsi esto fidelis
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PainedPatty
Platinum
Reged: 01/28/08
Posts: 698
Loc: Southern California
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I know exactly how you feel and last night was especially hard because I spent most of the day with my stbx. He came to see me and my new home and we had a lovely day together, went to lunch, took the dog for a walk on a trail, talked a lot, we both cried, especially him when he left. Now, he dumped me, so I still don't understand the tears. He won't or can't explain them to me.
Then last night I talked to a man that I met online who I'm actually meeting in person today. And until the day with stbx, I was really excited about meeting him. Now I don't give a hoot. I realized yesterday how much I still love my stbx and really wanted him to be with me last night. I don't know if I will ever be ready to allow another man into my life and so I'm afraid that I will have many lonely nights too.
I know that time heals,and all that, and it has gotten easier, but today, instead of being excited about meeting new guy, I'm just missing old guy. No contact doesn't work for us. We really are very good friends. I just still want it to be more than that. I feel so sad this morning.
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germangirl631
Platinum
Reged: 04/04/08
Posts: 1281
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Even though I'm rarely alone, I still feel quite alone. I did during my marriage, and I still do, now. Having a 7 yo child 24/7 fills up your time, but doesn't provide that adult conversation or support that we all need. I wouldn't trade the time with my son for anything! But, having an adult around sure would be nice.
I've felt alone for at least 10 years now, so I almost don't realize it any more since it seems to be the status quo for me.
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mfergel
Platinum
Reged: 02/11/08
Posts: 1467
Loc: Richmond, VA
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A few months ago I felt the same way. Hated sleeping alone, watching tv alone, etc. I don't even realize it anymore. I don't watch much tv anymore. The bed has gotten to be just a place I go when I'm tired and it's time to go to sleep. I hang out with friends, I spend time with my daughter, I go out on dates, etc. I really don't feel lonely. I'm ok with things. Really, the only thing I catch myself thinking about is how I'm more like the person I used to be and less like the person that was married. It's good to be me. :)
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Damn it's good to laugh again.
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twins1
Platinum
Reged: 06/26/08
Posts: 312
Loc: PA
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Pained Patty
Maybe you'd better think about the no contact. I know you said you are friends but it seems to me that seeing him is also not allowing you to move on. You said you were excited to meet this new guy until you spent the day w/ stbx. I think he is holding you back.
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twinsmom
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NHTom
Platinum
Reged: 06/10/08
Posts: 451
Loc: New Hampshire
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One step forward and two steps back.
The loneliness is just ghastly. Maybe it's because it gets dark so soon or that it's getting cold. It wasn't this bad for most of the summer.
Coming home to a cold, dark house is the pits.
Well, that's my little rant. Lettinggo - you're not alone in feeling this way.
Tom
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So much to forget...
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Books29
Platinum
Reged: 02/20/08
Posts: 372
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I can completely empathize with you as well. It's so hard to go from having somebody around all the time to talk with, laugh with, snuggle with and just BE with to having no one at all to share the special moments with. The one thing I miss the most is accomplishing something at work and not having my stbx there to share it with him. He was the first person I told things to so it makes it hard during those special moments to not be able to share it with him.
It takes a lot of time to get comfortable again with being alone and not lonely. It's gotten a little easier for me although I do have my days as well. Just know that although you feel lonely, you are not alone in this feeling and it will get better.
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