ILMom
Gold
Reged: 12/03/07
Posts: 145
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A few years ago, when I was first really comtemplating divorce, one of the lawyers gave me some advice which I ignored. She said, "File for divorce immediately because things are only going to get worse. It sounds like he's on a downward spiral and if he ends up permanently disabled you could be on the hook for permanent spousal support not to mention what he could do to your family."
I ignored her advice, got him into private therapy and went on with my "life."
He did a great job pretending to try to stop using drugs- he went to AA meetings, saw his therapist (although those meetings got less and less frequent), etc.
His drug use spiraled out of control. He was fired from his job. He started getting scarier and scarier. After I found proof of his continued use on Christmas day 2006 I finally pulled the trigger the first week in January and filed for divorce. One week after I filed, he had another drug OD during which he went psychotic. He was going to kill himself (and us) with carbon monoxide and then the police showed up and all kinds of craziness ensued. He was admitted to the psyche ward at the hospital and I got an order of protection the next day.
What stopped me from following through on that lawyers advice was two things: 1.) knowing that because I was the primary breadwinner he could take me to the cleaners financially and 2.) my kids, who I felt needed their father.
Looking back those were the two dumbest excuses I could ever have come up with because 1.) it was smarter to get out of the marriage before his health deteriorated further (financially speaking) and 2.) it was dangerous and abusive to have my kids around him.
I guess what I am saying is if it has gotten really bad and you've tried everything you can humanly think of to get them help, get out as soon as you can. File for divorce now and get your life back.
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dax
New
Reged: 09/17/08
Posts: 4
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Thanks for all your replies. She was hospitalized about 3 weeks ago with a medical condition (unrelated to her drug use). Today she totalled our car in an at-fault accident. Luckily no one seriously injured. I just don't know what to do...
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ILMom
Gold
Reged: 12/03/07
Posts: 145
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You do know what to do. And you need to do it now.
It's scary but once you make the decision you will feel as though this huge burden has been lifted from you. Don't wait like I did. You think things are bad now (even with today's accident), just wait... things will get worse.
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Allan
New
Reged: 09/09/08
Posts: 3
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I don't know if this will help you. I cannot pretend to understand what you are going with. So best of luck!
However, after my x divorced me I got very very depressed and felt very alone and lost. I stopped sleeping and became suicidal. I started smoking a couple of packs of cigarettes a day then finally quit but got hooked on alcohol so now trying to quit that. Read lots of self help books but only one seemed to help me.
"Shut up, Stop Whining, & Get a Life" by Larry Winget.
http://www.larrywinget.com/postcard/shutup2.html Basically he says bad stuff happens to lots of people, but its how you handle it that counts. Either you stay dazed and confused by it forever, or you try and learn from it and move on.
I still feel very lost, but I now understand that you cannot move on if you contantly stay focused on all of your problems.
Well, I hope that helps.
allan
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NoAlimony4Me
New
Reged: 11/08/08
Posts: 2
Loc: Illinois
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Best thing you can do for her is PRAY. Let Go and Let God. If you're worried about custody, check out great book by Jeff Leving called Fathers' Rights. Don't let ur In-Laws scare you. Suggest you start keeping detailed records of debt, spending, lost jobs, medical records, etc.. You'll need them in divorce court. Don't do what I did and wait for 20 years. That seems to be the "magic" number in court's view for lifetime alimony awards. Sounds like you should at least file for legal separation or talk to an attorney. Get out while you can.
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"enable the gov't to control the governed, and..., oblige it to control itself."
-- James Madison
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