cristal
New
Reged: 10/11/08
Posts: 2
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Hello,
My husband and I have been married for over a year and let's just say his ex wife was not too happy when he remarried. His job in law enforcement requires that his shifts change every couple of months. My question is, if my husband is unable to pick up or drop off the kids at the designated times, can I do so?
Other than the fact that she does not like me, there is no reason why I should not have the kids with me. I have no criminal record, etc...she simply does not like me.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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You said:
My question is, if my husband is unable to pick up or drop off the kids at the designated times, can I do so?
My response:
Depends on if they have right of first refusal in the court order. Then she gets her kids if the father is working.
You said:
Other than the fact that she does not like me, there is no reason why I should not have the kids with me.
My response:
Rather than you getting his parenting time, the father is probably better off getting a parenting plan that takes his work schedule into consideration so that he is actually home with his during his parenting time, which would maximize his time with them. Which is the goal of parenting time.
And the reason that you should not have the kids over the mother when the father is not available to be with them is because she is the mother and you are not.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2267
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if my husband is unable to pick up or drop off the kids at the designated times, can I do so?
>>>>>> Yes , unless the court order states differently .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2267
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Depends on if they have right of first refusal in the court order. Then she gets her kids if the father is working.
>>>>>>>>> You understand nothing about ROFR .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]Depends on if they have right of first refusal in the court order. Then she gets her kids if the father is working.
>>>>>>>>> You understand nothing about ROFR . [/quote]
You are the one who understands nothing about ROFR.
Which does not surprise me.
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1304
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[quote]Depends on if they have right of first refusal in the court order. Then she gets her kids if the father is working.
>>>>>>>>> You understand nothing about ROFR . [/quote]
I have to disagree here. If the dad is working a shift that requires him to work past his pickup time but still be off to spend time with the kids then he is allowed to have someone pick the kids up. It's not up to the X to decide who can and can't pick the kids up. If on the other hand he job requires him to work through the visitation time it would be the X that would have to show proof that her first right of refusal is being denied. Either way the burden falls on the CP not to deny visitation.
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momomof4
Silver
Reged: 08/02/08
Posts: 50
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Everyone always jumps in on the ROFR, but I asked my lawyer about it and she says it really depends on the state. I am in MO, and am told here that it only really applies to overnights, and that a judge will rarely enforce it, as many of them consider it trivial in the whole scheme of things, especially in a situation with a stepmom. I think the question here should be how much time he is away, and whether he truly needs to send someone else to pick up the kids. For example--Does mom insist on pick up exactly at the time the parenting plan states and he gets off work 30 minutes later? If so, there are two options--send someone to pick up or mom needs to be more flexible about that timing. Or, is he just going to work and they are going to be with stepmom all night? If so, maybe the plan needs to change. Or, maybe he's taking a couple of extra hours of overtime so he doesn't have to deal with the ex. If so, maybe having him pick up but on neutral ground would be better. There are really a lot of factors to consider here, but a good point to make. If she truly doesn't want the stepmom picking up the kids just because she doesn't like her, that's a really poor example to set for her children. After a divorce, they have to see life go on, and if mom doesn't like stepmom and makes this known to the children by refusing to allow her to pick them up, she makes this more difficult for the children, especially if they like stepmom.
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dramanomore
Gold
Reged: 09/24/08
Posts: 170
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I am sure you can understand why she would not like you. There is always alot of unresolved anger and feelings with a divorce. And, having the new wife there can sometimes inflame the issue making everyone lose focus of the big picture which is the kids.
If your husband is unable to do his visitation time at all, then I can understand his ex's argument that the kid should remain with their mother. The visitation is for children to see their father.
However, if he is able to do most of his visitation and simply needs your help to coordinate drop off and pick ups, then I would go ahead with your aiding in this. And, I think you would be standing for firm ground.
The above posters are correct, unless it stipulates in the agreement who can and cannot be there for drop offs, it is pretty much open for interpatation. However, just to be polite I would let her know who will be doing the drop off and pick up, just so there will be no surprises. The last thing any party wants is a blow out infront of the kids.
If right of first refusal is stipulated, then yes it can complicate the issue. As you can tell from the above posts there is alot of gray area in ROFR. I have seen agreements where it states if the parents are gone more than two hours they have to call to just a general line saying they have ROFR.
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JenH03
Platinum
Reged: 02/07/08
Posts: 227
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This is not about ROFR. This woman is simply asking if she can pick up or drop off her stepchildren if her husband cannot. Maybe he'll be off work 1/2 an hour after she picks them up. Or maybe he has to leave for work at the same time the children need to be back with their mother. That has nothing to do with ROFR and the father shouldn't have to give up an entire weekend or whatever the schedule is just because he cannot pick them up from their mother's or take them back. I have picked up my stepkids and dropped them off when their dad couldn't and it would be just BS if their mother refused to let them go just because it was me in the car and not their father.
That's just called being petty.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]This is not about ROFR. This woman is simply asking if she can pick up or drop off her stepchildren if her husband cannot. Maybe he'll be off work 1/2 an hour after she picks them up. Or maybe he has to leave for work at the same time the children need to be back with their mother. That has nothing to do with ROFR and the father shouldn't have to give up an entire weekend or whatever the schedule is just because he cannot pick them up from their mother's or take them back. I have picked up my stepkids and dropped them off when their dad couldn't and it would be just BS if their mother refused to let them go just because it was me in the car and not their father.
That's just called being petty. [/quote]
I agree that there is no reason why she shouldn't be able to pick the kids up if the father is running late or has to leave a little early.
It was this statement that indicates that this is also about ROFR:
"Other than the fact that she does not like me, there is no reason why I should not have the kids with me."
That indicates to me that it is for more than half an hour. It leads me to think that the father is at work the entire visit.
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