bttyboop1977
New
Reged: 10/12/08
Posts: 3
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My boyfriend and I broke up a little while ago. We have a daughter together (not yet 2 years old) and he is unhappy with the current visitation that he has. He has her every other weekend and two days during the week that he does not have her on the weekend. We have nothing set up legally yet but I am in the works of getting papers filed. We live in Colorado and he says that he wants a 50/50 split on visitation time. While I understand that it is hard to not have her all the time like he used to it just doesn't seem realistic to me to have a 50/50 split. I am a stay at home mother, I work from home and have been her primary care giver since she was born. I do not have to worry about child care and have been the one to make all her doctor's appointments and make sure that she has medical insurance etc. He has been told by who ever he is getting his legal advice from that he will be able to get 50/50 time since Colorado is a 50/50 state. How likely is it that will happen? He also is the type of guy who thinks that the child support he pays me should be used to supply HIM with the things he needs to care for her, such as diapers, clothes etc. I know that he loves his daughter and I am not trying to keep her from him but it just doesn't seem logical to have a 50/50 split on time expecially when she gets older and is going to school and such. Also since he works outside of the home why have some one else watch her while he is working when she could just be at home with me. I guess I am just wondering if anyone knows the likelihood of courts awarding 50/50 split on time. Thanks!
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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It makes sense for you to be primary given that you have been primary and she is a toddler.
But I can see his point. Why not offer 2 evenings every week rather than on the week he doesn't have her on the weekend?
And make it clear that you will get your daughter during the day as it is better for you to care for her than for a daycare to care for her.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2265
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You're not a SAHM , you work from home , not the same thing at all . Try thinking " out of the box " and come up with a MUTUALLY beneficial schedule .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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chatter box
Platinum
Reged: 11/09/07
Posts: 1304
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theanswerguy is right. Try thinking outside the box. When it is done right a 50/50 custody works much better then any other plan. Also realize that your kid is just as much his as yours and that he is just as capable as you of taking care of her. You both need to work at envolving each other in parenting duties like doctors visits. Parents do 50/50 all the time around school and activities but they work at it. Realize that he could and should be just as involved as you and try to work out some type of an agreement for the kids sake.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]theanswerguy is right. Try thinking outside the box. When it is done right a 50/50 custody works much better then any other plan. [/quote]
That is not always true. It all depends on the child, the child's personality and what the child can handle.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3463
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[quote]You're not a SAHM , you work from home , not the same thing at all . Try thinking " out of the box " and come up with a MUTUALLY beneficial schedule . [/quote]
Either way, she is more available to be the primary caregiver than the father is.
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bttyboop1977
New
Reged: 10/12/08
Posts: 3
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[quote]You're not a SAHM , you work from home , not the same thing at all . Try thinking " out of the box " and come up with a MUTUALLY beneficial schedule . [/quote]
It actually IS the same thing. I stay at home and work from home. I do most of my work when my daughter is napping and at night after she has gone to bed. I am able to work around my daughters needs. So yeah it is the same thing. I am at home and able to take care of her needs and be with her without having to put her in a daycare with strangers.
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dramanomore
Gold
Reged: 09/24/08
Posts: 170
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It is very unlikely that the courts are going to say it is better for a child to be in daycare instead of being at home with the mother.
The thing that you have going for you is the your are currently the primary caregiver for your child. And, that there is a visitation schedule that both of you have been doing.
Usually the courts like to keep the status quo, unless there is a material change in circumstance. The catch being that right now you have nothing in writing. However, you do have the argument this is what we agreed to.
There are two standard types of visitation out there. There is the classic EOW (Every other weekend) and week on/ week off. There is no set solution as to which work best, because with each child and each case it is different.
If you haven't, you need to consult an attny. And, put all your ducks in a row as to why you should be the primary caretaker and file visitation papers with the courts asap. Also make sure the visitation papers you file are something fair that the courts don't look at and say "She is trying to take away the child."
As always the best solution would be for yall to work something out together. However, that is easier said than done. It sounds like he has decided he wants a 50/50 split or nothing. Which leave little room for "working it out."
You need something official and in writing. Then all the guess work and worry goes away. And, everyone knows what the agreement is.
Also, make sure you get the most bang for your buck for the visitation agreement. Handle Holidays, Sick days and vacation in the agreement. Make sure that it is detailed, so that there will be less room for misunderstanding and arguments.
Best of luck!
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taryn
Platinum
Reged: 05/31/07
Posts: 2460
Loc: standing on the mountaintop! :...
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does it make a difference that this couple was not married but rather cohabitating, had a child and no longer are together?
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taryn.
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dramanomore
Gold
Reged: 09/24/08
Posts: 170
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Not from what I have seen in the courts.
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