AmyJoan
Gold
Reged: 08/31/06
Posts: 122
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Hi everyone,
I've been reading all the postings on this site, and you all seem to be very caring women. I could use all the support I can get. I feel so alone! My marriage lasted 22 years til one day about two months ago. He told me he wants a divorce because he's just not happy. He also said that he's not sure if he ever was in love with me. My entire world has been shattered! Help!!
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Amy
After all,...
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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Hi AmyJoan, I am not a supportive woman, but I a screwed over man. I was wondering if this was something he said during a fight, or if he was that much of a jerk during a discussion?
Either way I am really sorry this has happened to you.
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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AmyJoan
Gold
Reged: 08/31/06
Posts: 122
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Sorry to hear about you getting screwed over & sorry to hear you're a man. (Just kidding...I'm a little down on men at the moment.) Right up until the time he told me that he wanted out, I thought we had one of the happiest marriages ever. How blind & naive am I? Throughout this whole thing, he has been very calm, almost cold. How could I not have seen what kind of man he truly is?
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Amy
After all,...
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ufcfan
Silver
Reged: 08/15/06
Posts: 54
Loc: Brandon, Florida
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I don't know if it helps but you are not alone. I am in a simular situation. I too was blindsided by my husband of 19 years about 3 months ago. I thought we were happy but he claims to have been unhappy for years. Coincidently, all of the unhappiness that he has been feeling "for years" only became apparent after he started a new "friendship" with another woman. You may want to look into it a little further. I don't know if it will change anything but if you want to work it out you may as well get it all out there. Marriages can survive infidelity if you are willing to forgive. I personally will have no problem forgiving my husband as long as I don't have to stay married to him. Ha.
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With a smile and the right attitude, anything is possible.
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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[quote]Sorry to hear about you getting screwed over & sorry to hear you're a man. (Just kidding...I'm a little down on men at the moment.) Right up until the time he told me that he wanted out, I thought we had one of the happiest marriages ever. How blind & naive am I? Throughout this whole thing, he has been very calm, almost cold. How could I not have seen what kind of man he truly is? [/quote]
I would be willing to bet that at least 75% of all divorces are a surprise for most. You are in good company.
You came to the right place for support.
Again I am sorry.
P.S I understand you are down on men right now and I know it is too early to say this, but don't give up hope in men. Maybe marraige but not men there are a couple of us out here that are worthwhile.
Good luck to you
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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1narnara1
Platinum
Reged: 04/28/06
Posts: 3860
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My stbx said the same things to me almost 6 months ago after 16 years of marriage and 2 wonderful kids. He hasn't loved me in 13 years, he's unhappy, he wants a divorce. blah, blah, blah.
I still love him to some degree, but he is being very mean and vindictive so that he doesn't have to pay alimony or child support.
My best advice is to maybe see if he will go to counseling, mine wouldn't, and if there is no hope, get strong. Eat healthy and be good to yourself. No that you are not to blame. I think spouses go through mid-life crisis' and that can last 3-5 years.
I still love my husband, but he wants out and I can't even have a conversation with him. He refuses to talk about it.
Hang in there, know that you are not alone, and that if ever you need to, you can vent to us.
Stay strong!
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I am 40 and I am Fabulous!
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saralee
New
Reged: 08/03/06
Posts: 3
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Hi AmyJoan,
I think what your husband told you is a common cop-out. I saw on the divorcebusting.com website those same exact words. It talked about what you can do (on your own) to get things back on track (if that is what you want). I would definitely get some professional advice. Good luck.
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Lena
Bronze
Reged: 08/23/06
Posts: 30
Loc: NC
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AmyJohn
Again like others that have posted, you are not alone. My husband also after 20 years together said one day 2 months ago, that he was unhappy and has been for years. He isn't sure he ever truly loved me. (He loves me as a person and a friend but is not in love with me.) I also thought we were happy. We just had a baby 10 months ago. I don't have answers for you or anyone, but support.
I think that he is going through a midlife crisis at 40. I love him, but need to be the best mother and person I can be for myself. I never would have thought this of him. He is not the person I married or have known for the last 20 years.
Take care.
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dmc
Platinum
Reged: 06/28/06
Posts: 2948
Loc: Pennsylvania
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One thing you'll find on here is you aren't alone. 25 years for me. All of a sudden, "I just don't love you anymore. I just stay because of our son." Well, that last two months, he moved out and has been living with his ugly girlfriend ever since. I'm not saying that it's your case, but in mine, he was cheating on me so he had to use an excuse of 'falling out of love' cause he can't admit he cheated. It's been 1-1/2 years and he still won't admit it. I found him with her 10 days after he moved out. How convenient he met someone in those ten days and had her at his apt. Give me a break. I know your world feels like its going to end, but take it from all of us here. It's not the end. It's a new beginning. The road will be rough ahead, no doubt, but come here and vent. In my opinion, that "I just dont love you" is a cowardly excuse. Don't give up on men yet, just protect your heart! Take care.
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Donna
Touching Someone's Heart for a Mere Second Can Touch Their Soul for a Lifetime.
Edited by dmc (09/14/06 08:57 AM)
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pieces
New
Reged: 09/09/06
Posts: 7
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Not much that hasn't already been said, but to reiterate... I would be willing to bet there is another woman involved. I was not married for nearly as long as you, but mine gave me the same "don't love you anymore line." I moved out, and several months later found about the woman he'd been in graduate school with (which I paid for). Everyone kept telling me there was another woman, but I would not believe them...until I found out for myself. Men (the awful creatures that they are) like stability and don't ususally just walk out of a relationship, even if they are unhappy, unless they have someone else to walk into. Even though he probabaly has cheated on you if you want to make it work you can with some professional help. Marriages can survive infidelity, but both parties have to be willing. That won't happen when he has someone else. You need to find out what her name is. Good luck!!!
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