my4kidz
New
Reged: 09/11/06
Posts: 6
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I have just discovered this site, and am I gratefull! I just discovered after 16 years of marriage, that I was not alone in the "I just don't love you anymore" syndrome of men in they're early to mid 40's. I'm thinking it's a male menopause thing, and effects men hormonally just like menopause in a woman.
I can't believe that there are no laws to help protect women who are stay at home mothers. My stbx closed our bank account, filed for divorce, informed me that he was no longer giving me any money, even for the most personal of items. He would keep my car in gas so I could get a job and move out. I have been here for 3 months with my children 3,7, 10 and 13,since his announcement and he has come and gone whenever he pleases. How can the law be so lacking in protection of homemakers who give up careers or even a simple job to stay at home with children, then be tossed and disregarded by they're spouse?? Divorce is hard enough emotionally when it is served in a surprise fashion, let alone be abandoned and left penniless on a whim...It seems impossible to overcome the feeling of abandonment and devistation. Does anyone have advise on how to deal with a stbx who is holding all of the cards until a "court date" can be established?
It truley is a court of laws, not justice....
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sunshine
Platinum
Reged: 04/28/06
Posts: 3077
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Have you seen a lawyer yet?...you could contact a womens shelter for some advice...they are a God-send in time of abuse...and that is what he is doing....HE has no right to treat you that way...ck out some of my posts...In illinois and on domestic violence...look around the site...you are not alone...
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justgottabreathe
Platinum
Reged: 08/01/06
Posts: 1604
Loc: Michigan
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Do you have an attorney?? If not, get one.
He should be expected to maintain the household as it was until your divorce is final.
Have your lawyer file a motion for emergency support.
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Anne Marie
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Been there, done that, got the t-shirt:)
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my4kidz
New
Reged: 09/11/06
Posts: 6
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Yes, I do have a lawyer, and was told before I got one that if I hired one I would get nothing. So I guess he's at least true to that much. Ive had a lawyer for about 2 1/2 weeks, but even with an emmergency motion, it takes time...more time than I have money to live.
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justgottabreathe
Platinum
Reged: 08/01/06
Posts: 1604
Loc: Michigan
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Do you have friends or family that will help?
I know what it's like. My ex is thousands behind in support and we've only been divorced three months.
How long before your court date?
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Anne Marie
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Been there, done that, got the t-shirt:)
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my4kidz
New
Reged: 09/11/06
Posts: 6
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I only have an 83 year old grandmother in California, but do not want to involve her, she isn't in the greatest of health. As for friends, I do have a few great ones, who by the grace of God have been keeping me afloat financially. I just can't keep involving them, or relying on financial support from these great people too much longer. As for the court date, I have yet to be informed of one.
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doc
Platinum
Reged: 04/26/06
Posts: 584
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You can file for temporary child support until you get a formal court date. Just keep the kids out of it. I know you're angry about your situation, but don't involve them. He may be a jerk, but he's their father and the court is going to involve him in their lives, as you should want him to be.
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1narnara1
Platinum
Reged: 04/28/06
Posts: 3860
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Ok I have been married for 16 years also. Only 2 kids and am a stay at home mom. My stbx left 6 months ago after surprising me with "I want a divorce, I never loved you." He was paying most of the bills but then decided not to pay some. I went to a lawyer, I was threatend also not to get a lawyer, that I would end up with nothing then, but went to a lawyer to protect myself. This man I trusted for 16 years was not watching out for me anymore. I had temp support papers filed also. Yes it is taking awhile and he is still fighting the temp papers, but justice will prevail. Judges do not like it when a man leaves without supporting his wife and kids. The best advice is to even ask your lawyer, where you can get financial help from outside. Perhaps food stamps, notify the school so that you can get free school lunches for your kids, etc. Never leave the house with your kids. You stay put and do not let your husband bully you. Mine still does. Now I don't even engage in conversations with him. That was good advice I received from my forum friends. It just makes it that much easier on you not to have to listen to someone put you down and make you feel inferior!
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I am 40 and I am Fabulous!
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3092
Loc: Colorado
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Alimony laws were designed to protect homemakers. They were relevant back in the day when entering the workforce was not a viable choice for most women. Despite loss of relevance post woman's lib, and their repeal in most states, these laws live on in case law.
Was it not clear to you that your choice to stay at home would make you dependent on your husband. Were you not aware that half of all marriages end in divorce?
You're currently having a cash crisis. I predict you'll be able to fulfill your sense of entitlement by extracting significant alimony from him.
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1narnara1
Platinum
Reged: 04/28/06
Posts: 3860
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Yes, when WE CHOSE for me to stop working and take care of the kids so that we didn't have a stranger raise them, I knew I would be dependent on my husband. Just as he was dependent on me to raise, clean, feed and look after their well being while HE CHOSE to start his business empire and not have to deal with even tucking the kids in at night.
Ok that being said. I know the divorce statistics, but as we can all contest...I never thought it would happen to us.
SOrry...I am just cranky today even though the judge ruled in my favor financially yesterday. My kids are suffering because their father has become quite bitter and is taking it out on them.
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I am 40 and I am Fabulous!
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