adrenaline
Platinum
 
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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[quote]
SOrry...I am just cranky today even though the judge ruled in my favor financially yesterday. My kids are suffering because their father has become quite bitter and is taking it out on them. [/quote]
We often do, when we have to pay more and see them less. I know your Ex doesn't care about that, but I do and he is a Dick!!
-------------------- The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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KGrow
Platinum

Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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"Yes, when WE CHOSE for me to stop working and take care of the kids so that we didn't have a stranger raise them, I knew I would be dependent on my husband. Just as he was dependent on me to raise, clean, feed and look after their well being while HE CHOSE to start his business empire and not have to deal with even tucking the kids in at night."
You try to make it sound like this is a balanced and equitable arrangement. Push come to shove, it is not. The homemaker is put in peril if the breadwinner leaves or dies. The breadwinner has viable options if the homemaker leaves or dies.
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mcross
New
Reged: 09/22/06
Posts: 3
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I am just confused. My husband has just dropped the bomb, last night during the season premier of Gray's Anatomy...making matters worse...and since I have been married to him for 10 years he has from time to time just up and said...divorce...no reason...just want to go own way....but, when I break down and cry, he just laughs and says, "you know I would never leave you"...But, deep down inside, I always feel like I just got lucky and he changed his mind, actually. Last night, when he said it, for the first time, I screamed like a crazed woman, "What the**** do you think you are saying to me?" You have got to get a lawyer and have signed papers in my hand in two weeks". And I don't want to hear anymore out of you about this or anything else, for that matter. I am done listening to your stupid face, yammer a lot of bull****. He just looked at me like he didn't know where to run. I never acted like that before....But, I am 43 years old, and I am tired...if he isn't happy, and he never is....no matter what is going on....then, tough. He is a grown up. And the way I see it, he made a family and a commitment to me to care for this family, so he doesn't just get off easy thinking he can just quit now that the game isn't fun anymore and go home.....He owes me a future...He owes our four year old son two parents...How dare he think he is entitled to withhold that from us?...That is how I am handling things for now, I don't know what else to do. I am a stay at home mom, and the economy is on his side, not mine. I will not live on welfare to feed his child and work like an ox to support that which he created....I made that mistake already by raising his older two from his ex-girl friend...they now live with her since she is sober and can be responsible...I think he doesn't need me to take care of the kids anymore, and from reading all of your postings, he is 44 and at the age when guys get the idea that they can just throw out the old and bring in the new....well, I am not going down without a fight like he has never seen, and he will have been better off just to stay with the status quo, because this is going to cost him in ways he never imagined....not because of revenge, but because he will have earned everybit of it, but thinking I would just be thrown out quietly like yesterday's garbage...What do you guys think? Seriously?
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1narnara1
Platinum
 
Reged: 04/28/06
Posts: 3860
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Wow cross. I agree with your feelings. I didn't go after my husband's money. I am not trying to "win". I just know the laws in my state and so does the judge. I live in a 50/50 state. I didn't make the laws. I understand your bitterness. But make sure you don't let your emotions take over you. You need to step back and think clearly. Come and vent here anytime you want.
-------------------- I am 40 and I am Fabulous!
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KGrow
Platinum

Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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Wow. Let us know how that whole vengeance thing works out for you.
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adrenaline
Platinum
 
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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[quote].He owes me a future...He owes our four year old son two parents... [/quote] Just out of curiosity, My wife cheated on me and left does that mean she owes me a future, because the judge didn't see it that way and I am paying for her lame ass.
-------------------- The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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mcross
New
Reged: 09/22/06
Posts: 3
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I am not talking about revenge, I am talking about the weird idea I had that when you enter into a contract with someone, then break it, there are penalties...Yes, I think your wife made a verbal, if not legal, contract with you and she should have to pay a penalty to you for breaking it. I am not even angry, I am just not going to feel all humble saying, "I don't want anything from you, just leave me alone...boohoooo." I have moral rights, if not legal ones, and I did explain to him this evening that despite his opinion of me for the last 10 years, I am not stupid and I do know what I am entitled to, and that I am my children's only protector on this planet, so if he thinks I am going to sit idly by and allow him to break my child's heart, he is going to have to think in a whole new way...I know too many "people" who have been blindsided and thought, "if I play nice, he/she might see what a great person I am and come to his/her senses." That isn't going to happen to me...I have warned him, and now he is thinking twice, I know him, he is not stupid either, and if this marraige is nothing more than a business arrangement, then fine with me, just make sure you do your part,and I promise to do mine...I will cook, clean, raise kids,send presents for appropriate holidays, keep the clothes clean, and if necessary, I will pay my share of the bills. I won't, however, be downtrodden. I know my value and I am a good wife and mother, he can't make me think otherwise, no matter how much he would like to with his little criticisms, and comments. He can not look me in the eye right now, and that is fine with me, as long as he understands what kind of game he is playing.
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molly
Platinum

Reged: 06/05/06
Posts: 255
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Some of the men on this forum have horrible attitudes, and quite frankly, it's getting a little old. This is the WOMEN'S RIGHTS forum, where women should be able to come and talk and not have men that have been burned and want to take it out on other women can come and put in their two cents. That's what your forum, called MEN'S RIGHTS is for. Go there and talk badly about women, and whine about how you have been wronged, and pass judgement on other people, but at least have the decency to respect this one forum on here and keep your "man" attitude out of it.
You want to talk about f'ing RIGHTS? My ex was too busy running around and feeding his p0rn addiction to take care of his wife when she was on bedrest for 3 months in order to save their son's life. That same p0rn addiction that "made" him fail to turn in his resignation to the National Guard in time to avoid a year and a half long deployment, which left his wife alone in a strange city to care for a 3 month old until he was nearly 2 years old. That same "man" verbally and emotionally abused his wife in front of the child. That "man" was given 3 years to clean up his act, become a responsible adult, husband and father and failed to do so. That "man" was fully aware of the consequences of his actions if he chose to continue his behavior (ie divorce). That "man" PAID other people to lie about his son's MOTHER in court to try to obtain custody of a 2 1/2 year old who didn't even KNOW his father. That same "man" would not allow me to work and required that I be at home to take care of our son and further his real estate intersts, which essentially ruined my CAREER. So when I decided to divorce him after years of counseling, giving him hundreds of chances, he tried to take my son from me completely, provides minimal support, I got 4 fricking lousy months of spousal maintenance to "start over", I lost more than my "fair share" because the courts did NOT protect me, and he was able to coerce me into agreements that I did not want to agree to because he had the money, the real estate, and essentially all the cards. You want to talk about RIGHTS??? If my ex wanted to spend time with his child, then he should have been "man" enough to stop his abusive behavior and his philandering. Every time he starts to piss and whine about HIS rights, I think to myself, "well, you should have thought about that while you were abusing his mother, again, and again, and again, and again."
If you men treated your wives half as badly as you treat the women on this forum, then it's no wonder they left you, cheated on you, divorced you. Time to grow up and take responsibility for YOUR part in what happened and stop taking it out on every female on this forum.
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1narnara1
Platinum
 
Reged: 04/28/06
Posts: 3860
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Adrenaline. The fact that your wife cheated on you, Yes I think she owes you something. I think the cheating spouse should have to pay in some way other then morally. I do think the courts are unfair when it comes to cheating. They essentially put no revelance cheating when it comes to divorce laws.
-------------------- I am 40 and I am Fabulous!
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KGrow
Platinum

Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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"I am talking about the weird idea I had that when you enter into a contract with someone, then break it, there are penalties..."
Under no-fault divorce, you are not legally obligated to stay in a marriage and there is no penalty, per se, to be paid for leaving.
No fault divorce came about for good reason (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/No-Fault_divorce#United_States_history). I doubt anyone would seriously want to consider going back.
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