Reading your post was like reading the story of my marriage. My husband is the same way: he has convinced everyone that he is the victim, that I am the abuser, and he has lied over and over again about what "really happens" to everyone we know, even my family. He is very mild-mannered and looks like and appears like he wouldn't hurt a fly. He is the devil, and from what you stated here, your husband (or maybe EX now, I hope!) is his twin. It is most damaging and almost unbearable pain felt from someone like this. I have cried for years and it is truly a miracle that I am not insane, have some incurable disease, or am not chemically addicted to something, or haven't killed myself! Sometimes I think that getting away is harder than staying. Then I re-read my journals, find postings like this, hear of another women beaten to death, and conclude: THE HELL IS LIVING WITH HIM, NOT BEING ON MY OWN. No matter how hard it gets, it will never be as bad as continuing to take his abuse, especially emotional abuse. I have decided that I would rather die than be in a relationship with him. Emotional abusers are very manipulative and are pathological liars. I am in the midst of a divorce and I have all sorts of ups and downs, but I can tell you for sure, little by little, I am becoming stronger and stronger, even just a tiny bit a day. One of these days, I will be the person that I was prior to my marriage and so will you!!!! God bless...
[quote]Situational Factors: Fear of retaliation toward her and her loved ones. Economic Dependence. May be killed if she attempts to leave (or children may be killed). Fear of emotional damage to children. Lack of affordable, alternative housing and childcare. Lack of job skills and education. Social isolation resulting in separation from family or friends. LACK OF INFORMATION REGARDING ALTERNATIVES. Fear of involvement in court process. Cultural and religious constraints. "Kidnapping" by the non-custodial parent. Abuse directed toward children during visitation. No support systems in place.
Emotional Factors: Loneliness. Insecurity over potential independence and lack of emotional support. Guilt about failure of marriage/relationship. Fear that husband/partner is not able to survive alone. Belief that husband/partner will change. Ambivalence and fear over making formidable life changes. Societal reinforcement of couples;fear of being labeled a "divorcee". Low self-esteem DENIAL AND MINIMIZATION - "It's really not THAT bad." Pressure and stress from family, children, friends, etc. LACK OF DECISION MAKING SKILLS "For better or for worse - until death do us part."
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