clalex6
New
Reged: 03/30/06
Posts: 3
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I got separated 1 1/2 year ago and sometimes I fell really bad because the dad of my two children says that no one is going to make him pick up the kids or visit them. We had an agreement that he will give me $600.00 a month for my two boys, and he only picks them up on Tuesdays and Fridays they stay with him, but sometimes he says that it's not his resonsability to pick them up, that if he wants to pick them up he will and if he doesn't want to he won't. I am very fustrated because I think that he is already 30 years old and he should spend more time with his kids,but i don't think that he realizes that they still need him. Even though my kids don't want to be with him because even when he was living with us he was never home, he used to go out and party or he will leave and come back at night when the kids were already asleep, so most of the time he was never home and now is even worse. I don't know what to do, Should i put child support? Should I get full custody and have a judge give him the days that he has to see them or what should I do?
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melanie14
Platinum
Reged: 03/11/06
Posts: 3057
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Hi,
This is a strange thing. Who doesn't want to see their kids..does he have a g/f and the kids are in his way or what. How old are the kids, boys/girls? How do they feel when he doesn't show up and how do they feel about him in general? Have you ever gone to court on this or the two of you just agreed on stuff. I think you may get more child support if you go to court. They way he says no one is going to tell me to pick up or visit the kids. What a whack job!! post back I'm curious about the kids. I live in CA and they don't mess around with NCP not paying child support. I think you need to get this going through the court because the kids are going to need more as they get older.
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been there
Platinum
Reged: 01/09/06
Posts: 453
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You should file for divorce and get a formal child support order. The judge also will give him a visitation schedule of when he can pick the children up but the court will not make him see his children. If he doesn't want to, he doesn't have to. You can't force him be a good dad to your children. He does, however, have to pay the child support whether he sees them or not. He'll have a garnishment on his wages. A formal order from the court would protect you and your kids financially.
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clalex6
New
Reged: 03/30/06
Posts: 3
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Thank you for replying. I don't know if he is dating someone, but I'm pretty sure he is. I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old, both boys. Well, when he doesn't come to visit them or to pick them up, they are happy, they really don't care if he comes or not. Most of the time they don't want to go with him. They only way that they will go is if I'm not present at the time that he comes, otherwise if I'm home and he picks them up then they won't go, they start crying because they don't want to go with him. One day my oldest one was crying because he came and he wanted to take him, so I told him that the same way that he was saying that no one was going to force him to take the kids, I wasn't gonna force my kids to go with him. So, I told him, if my kids don't want to go with you they are not gonna go, he got mad and he left, but sometimes I don't know how to make him understand that the kids need him. We agreed on the child support because I didn't want to go through the court and all that paperwork, but what hurts me is that he doesn't want to pick up the kids. I am the type of person that I don't go out or anything, to me if he doesn't pick up the kids then we go out to the movies,or wherever they want to do and they love it, but it is really sad that a father thinks that way. Don't you think?
Edited by clalex6 (03/31/06 10:41 AM)
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clalex6
New
Reged: 03/30/06
Posts: 3
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Thank you for your advice. You think that if I file for child support, they will give me more? or how is it in California? because they money that he gives me, he says that is for everything, he doen's buy them anything else because he says that that's enough and that I should have enough money for all their needs. I have to pay baby-sitter, clothing, foods, and if we go out I have to pay for everything. Sometimes I don't know what's best. Many people have tell me that is not enough and other people says that he is probably giving me enough. He lives with his parents and as far as I know he only pays 200 a month, he just bought a BMW and he pays insurance, I know that he makes 15.50 an hour and he gets overtime so I don't know.
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been there
Platinum
Reged: 01/09/06
Posts: 453
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You can go online and get the CA child support worksheet or call the clerk of the court in your county and ask them. It's hard to know how much child support would be assigned to him without knowing exactly how much he makes if he does overtime. The court would have to see his w-2s.
In any case, you'd be more secure if you had a court mandated child support order in that you would not be relying on him to send the money each month. If he's not reliable about visitation with the boys then he probably can't be counted on to remain reliable with the child support check.
Does he provide health insurance for the children? In CA you can get additional payments for child care expenses, such as baby sitters or day care, if you are working.
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melanie14
Platinum
Reged: 03/11/06
Posts: 3057
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Yea, I think they will give you more money. Not that it's about the money but kids need stuff and as they get older it gets to be a lot more. Get this into the court system. Don't call an attorney. Go to your local child support service agency. When you're trying to get child support it's much much better not to have an attorney. believe me I went through it. Make sure you have is social security number, where he works and mailing and home address. It may take a while but hang in there it is well worth it. CA doesn't screw around with child support. It just takes time getting it in place. If you are low income don't hesitate to file for food stamps and health insurance through the state. That's what it's there for. It really helped me out during the tough times. If you are embarrassed by the food stamps don't be they now use a debit card at checkout places. Good luck!!
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