Doublewide
New
Reged: 10/15/06
Posts: 9
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Hi to all. So I had lunch out with a female (friend) and beer once, but have been told by spouse that if I do this again or communicate with any female online then she will file for divorce. To her this is unaceptable behaviour. I don't impose any restrictions on her.
What is your opinion?
Thanks
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3153
Loc: Colorado
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She clearly does not trust you. A lack of trust does not bode well for the health of a marriage.
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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I agree with KGrow, but I have a added question: do you trust yourself? What if you have a beer with a female friend and then another and another? Can you trust yourself not to cheat if you know there will be no way to get caught? That is a rhetorical question. If you don't think you are doing anything wrong then you should be able to communicate that to her.
I do communicate with female friends on the internet. It is always professional though. I personally would not go have drinks with women unless my current G/F could go or she would understand and allow me to go.
I wonder if deep down you don't really want to be married and are looking for justification.
None of this stuff is my business, but just be true to yourself. Figure out what you want and stand behind it. If you want a divorce you owe that to your wife. If you want to be married than you need to communicate and tell her how you feel and why. Let her do the same. Maybe you are innocent, but maybe she can't live with that. I don't know but you need to sit down and tell her your intentions.
Good luck my friend.
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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Doublewide
New
Reged: 10/15/06
Posts: 9
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Thank you for replying
True there is a lack of trust and I think that getting caught is inevitable as one behavior changes.
adrenaline, you maybe right in me wanting out of this relationship or at least to change it.
I guess I was kind of dumb not to leave anytime between my first marriage and this one which commenced before the last one finished.(reoccurring pattern?).
I think I am walking on egg shells here especially writing in a forum such as this, she will know I am talking to someone.
Do I trust myself? I trust myself to do what I think is the right thing to do. And in this case the thing to do is to talk about it. But it can be so frightening because of what the consequences can be. I fell apart when the first marriage ended and would probably do the same if this one when the same way, it depresses me just thinking about it.
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boothby171
Platinum
Reged: 03/14/06
Posts: 1392
Loc: NY
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DW,
Are you saying that you cheated on your previous wife with your current wife, and you're suprised that your current wife is afraid you might be cheating on her?
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--Boothby
My goal: Once a day, make someone laugh so hard that their soda comes out their nose
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Doublewide
New
Reged: 10/15/06
Posts: 9
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I did communicate in an intimate nature with my current wife while still married to the first, and that communication eventually led to separation then divorce.
So my wife has every reason to be suspicious of me, yet I don't feel suspicious of her even though of the way we met.
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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Seems to me that you answered you own question. Sometimes you just need someone to point it out for you.
What you really need to do is decide what you really want.
I hope you can work things out with your wife. You loved her once hopefully you still do.
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3257
Loc: Florida
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You say you don't feel suspicious of her - does that mean she was also previously involved?
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Doublewide
New
Reged: 10/15/06
Posts: 9
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I don't know the answer to that, but I do have a new list of things not to do which include:
No bike rides, ball games, no anything with a lone female.
I wonder if the demands will change with time?
It just seems like a big social restriction, which I don't find acceptable. If it was a cinema or dinner then that is different, as that would be more like courting.
I don't know if I can be the person my wife wants me to be...
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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Well I think she is being a little extreme, but I agree with alone with female stuff. I don't think you should be doing anything with other women. <--this is my opinion
I don't go out with anybody female except for professional reasons only. Clients and such.
I wouldn't really want to I am happy wiht my G/F and I wouldn't want to be out without her.
Maybe you need to take a moment to decide what you really want.
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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