binnie3
New
Reged: 06/01/06
Posts: 5
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Well, he has replaced his wife of twenty years with friends he met a year ago. He was in the Navy and I stayed by him through some tough times as well as him staying by me through some tough times. I've gotten comfortable with not having to really worry about bills and such, as his paycheck would cover the basics. I am really afraid of losing that stability and that is what has been keeping me in a loveless, passionless marriage so long. Now we have acreage in AL, which is from my family. I do not want him to get this, yet I don't want my kids to lose what is rightfully theirs. The payments are too much for me to make with getting half his retirement plus my income. I mention me getting half his military retirement because we were married 18 of his 20+ years. I do believe I'll get custody of the children because of his absenteeism of late. Will I get child support? What about alimony, because I only make $200.00 a week? I consider myself separated because we live seperate lives - he as a bachelor and I as a single mother of two, although in the same house. Does it matter who contacts a lawyer first? If he moves out, what about the bills in this house? Now I wonder about "'til death us do part". I made this vow to God and want this to work, but his (my "husbands")earthly actions are unredeamable. Is God testing me? Is God taking from me? I want to be happy, and everything about my life is happy, except for the time with him. It's just that first step into the unknown that I wonder about. Thank you for "listening" and any replys are much appreciated.
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bluemom
Gold
Reged: 03/30/06
Posts: 137
Loc: California
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If you've made up your mind to divorce him, then do it. Don't put up with the misery any longer. Check with your county's family law court to see if they have an attorney referral service or an office that can answer specific questions about Alabama law.
I filed for divorce in April 2004. It's been the nastiest, ugliest, most soul-destroying thing I've ever experienced. I have no idea when it will end or if I'll survive it (yes, it's been that bad). I hope you have an easier time of it. I married someone who was a con artist and pure evil but to the outside world he was sweet as pie.
Here's what I've learned in the process.
Lawyers don't care about you or your kids. They only want your money. The judge doesn't care either. He just wants to move on to the next case. The person you married is now the enemy. You can't trust them. Don't expect fairness or decency from him. Get everything in writing. Protect yourself in anyway you can legally, financially, etc. Being nice will only encourage him to take advantage of you. He will use your weaknesses and insecurities against you in any way he can.
I don't know what to tell you about God's part in it. God is not available to be your lawyer or judge, at least not while you're walking around on Earth, so leave Him out of it for now.
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doc
Platinum
Reged: 04/26/06
Posts: 584
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You need to deal with your religious issues totally separate from the legal situation you are entering. A marriage of 20 years will get you half his military pension and if you get custody of minor children you will be awarded child support. You need to file for divorce. It's generally an advantage to be the one to file first. Ask for custody of the children, alimony, child support, and the marital home. You need to be proactive about this. Call and lawyer and get this divorce started. Think practical. Think about your long term best interests. Once all this is over you can deal with whatever philosophical issues you need to resolve.
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binnie3
New
Reged: 06/01/06
Posts: 5
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Hey,
Thank you both. About the religious aspects; " 'til death us do part"...the marriage died. I did file a couple weeks ago and I feel a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I do know things will be rough before they get smooth, but the relief I feel about finally being able to put a bad situation behind me is well worth the scrapes.
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doc
Platinum
Reged: 04/26/06
Posts: 584
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Good luck to you. Hang in there. You sound like a survivor so I feel confident you'll prevail and life will be good for you. Attitude means a lot.
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loriwebb_48
New
Reged: 08/23/06
Posts: 7
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I have a lot of questions about my divorce too. I just don't understand how you can be devoted to a man for 10 years trough think and thin especially when you take in a 13 year old boy to raise and you have no children yourself and he has told you that he has not cheated on you. So the question is Why did he leave me? I know we did not see eye to eye sometimes, but he did not have to leave me.
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Ks_acbws
New
Reged: 10/30/06
Posts: 1
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I guess my grip is that since mailing papers to my es stranged three different times over the past 3 years, she is yet to sign em and all I am wanting to have is an uncontested Divorce. I am giving her more than the court would award if we have to go that way, but Why Can She Not Sign the papers.
Dying a slow death.
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