lifeiswunderfel
New
Reged: 11/20/06
Posts: 2
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Hi. I have been divorced for 3-1/2 yrs from my son's mother (he is 7). I have been remarried for over a year now. My life is wonderful except for every couple of weeks. I won't bore you with all the details, but the latest has me curious. She recently asked that I purchase a second set of complete clothes to keep at my house, because it was too difficult to pack/unpack and transport clothes to day care during my visitation. I found this hard to believe since I have the same responsibility, and she is a part time student, and unemployed. After giving it some thought, my wife and I thought it may actually be easier (albeit pety) to keep clothes here. So we bought socks, undies, jeans, shirts, etc. Upon the end of his last visit, we kept any of the clothes sent by his mother that we had purchased. She now accuses us of stealing and "forcing her to get like this every few weeks". Followed by her hanging up the telephone. What do I do? If anything?
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Fairmind
Silver
Reged: 08/25/06
Posts: 92
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I don't think the swapping of clothes is the real issue here although it appears to be. What were the circumstances of your divorce? Did you want out or did your ex? If you are the one leaving the marriage then she might not be happy to see you happy and may want to make your life hard. If she's the one leaving then is she poor?
However you look at it I don't think she's happy with her life if she is trying to create issues with you. P.S.: do you pay her child support??
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lifeiswunderfel
New
Reged: 11/20/06
Posts: 2
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Thank you for the kind words. She is the one who wanted out, and in the best interest of our son, I let her have the house, and pretty much ever since we divorced, positive after positive after positive (anything) has been happening for me in all aspects of my life. She has lost 2 jobs, struggling for school, vehicle repo'd and now her house. I have even agreed to pay for ALL child expenses in addition to my legal requirements while she is in school to show that there are no hard feelings and make sure my son is taken care of. I feel like I am continually taken advantage of and she just doesn't get it. Thanks for reading.
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smurf
New
Reged: 01/09/07
Posts: 8
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I can explain I think. I don't get much for child support. I buy second-hand clothes for my kids but I make sure they are outfits that look good and go together and no one can tell they are second-hand. I would send the kids to my ex's house in nice outfits on Friday and they would come back wearing clothes that were "slightly better than rags". The clothes were either too big or too small and didn't match and there is no way I'd let the kids be seen in them. So as time went on, my decent looking clothes were all ending up at his house and I was stuck with the rags he'd send them home in. I think these rags were free clothes handed down to him by his friends and he didn't care how they looked because they were free. Anyway, I stopped doing sending them to his house with my nice clothes on. He sends them home in rags and they go back to his house in rags. I have the babysitter change the kids into the "icky" clothes after they get back from school and before I pick them up on Fridays.
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Luvnlif76
New
Reged: 01/19/07
Posts: 10
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What I have found that works is I take the child's clothes off as soon as they arrive at my house. Then when it is time to go back to her house, I put the same clothes back on. This leaves little room for argument. That way I have my clothes and she has hers.
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infinity386
Gold
Reged: 02/24/08
Posts: 124
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its not about the cloths.
Just be patient till the real problem reveals itself. You can ask her whats bothering her but if you had that type of relation ship you would not be divorced. more than likely she's just simply miserable. and misery loves company.
I must say though you will have to find a way to creatively respond to it. for ignoring it will only make it worse. try and figure out what it is, even if you have no proper response to it, at least you will know why she is doing it. Which may be helpful later.
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faith4two
Platinum
Reged: 11/11/07
Posts: 353
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Oh yeah, there is a bag which contains clothes from this past summer, which no longer fit, which continues to go back and forth between us. Our daughter has clothes at both homes now.
I am lucky in that the clothes she was wearing that I sent her back to Dad's in typically come back in the bag washed, maybe.
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WolRon
Platinum
Reged: 01/16/08
Posts: 255
Loc: MN, USA
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Regarding the clothes: Here's my situation and I haven't had any issues with clothes.
I and my ex split the cost of all clothing bought for the kids regardless of who buys them. If I buy two sets of clothing, I send one of the sets over to the exes. This keeps the quantity equal. Also, neither parent ever feels that they are buying All of the clothes. Since that's how it's handled, neither one of us has any issues with what the kids are wearing when the exchange is made, because they are always wearing 1 set of clothing when they leave or arrive. Sure, the clothes get 'mixed up' between the houses, but no one cares. And why should we?
Simple.
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I didn't get married to pay CS later in life.
http://home.cmit.net/rwolbeck/childsupport
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3213
Loc: Florida
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If children are leaving the state to go for visitation with my 2nd ex, I will no longer send clothing. It's because he doesn't return it as it appears to be a game he plays. He'll purposely send back clothing two sizes too small that is not appropriate for Florida weather (obviously stuff that was packed away for goodwill & never made it) and only half of the other clothing makes it back...but then he'll state to me something like, "well why would I PURPOSELY keep the clothing?" ...ummm, to mess with me. I made him ship back the clothing last time and replace the tennis shoes that were lost. Then when he came for visitation in Florida, I made him give me a $40 deposit in order to take my sons school uniforms and other clothing which I gave back when he returned it.
It was so ridiculous for the last visit that he kept sending my 15 year old daughter home to pick up toiletry stuff like deodorant, shampoo and conditioner...he wouldn't just go purchase them himself and probably wasted more money in gas than it would have cost to just buy some.
For my other chid by my first ex...we no longer have issues like these. He used to keep my child's clothes and return him in a sopping diaper shoeless and in dirty old clothing until I refused to send clothes anymore. He too was playing the game but stopped when he realized it wasn't working anymore. That child is now 13 and we both pack clothing back and forth since the chid would be outgrowing the clothes that are purchased if we didn't just share.
I'm hoping that eventually my 2nd ex stops playing the game too but in the meantime I refuse to keep replacing clothing just for his amusement.
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mistake#2
Platinum
Reged: 07/19/06
Posts: 3213
Loc: Florida
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[quote]Regarding the clothes: Here's my situation and I haven't had any issues with clothes.
I and my ex split the cost of all clothing bought for the kids regardless of who buys them. If I buy two sets of clothing, I send one of the sets over to the exes. This keeps the quantity equal. Also, neither parent ever feels that they are buying All of the clothes. Since that's how it's handled, neither one of us has any issues with what the kids are wearing when the exchange is made, because they are always wearing 1 set of clothing when they leave or arrive. Sure, the clothes get 'mixed up' between the houses, but no one cares. And why should we?
Simple. [/quote]
That works for you because of the 50/50 arrangement and the ages of the kids.
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