nra_honey
Silver
Reged: 12/20/06
Posts: 55
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Have told him repetetively (sp) doesn't seem to make a real difference other than a few days. I've threatened I've cried I've begged and now all I feel is myself getting angry and bitter now matter how much I try not to.
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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What does he say? Does he really think you won't go? Does he even care if you go. I am thinking he does if he needs to know where you are all the time.
Tell him that he needs help or you will leave and not tell him where you are going.
What the hell does he think?
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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nra_honey
Silver
Reged: 12/20/06
Posts: 55
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He says he loves me and that I am right and he's trying to change, but no matter how many times I explain he thinks doing one load of laundry should make me happy for weeks.
I know it's more than he's been doing but should I really have to work all day, then come home take care of our two children, the house, the bills, his mother, the dogs, while he (after working all day) comes home, maybe if I have told him what to do and bought the stuff cooked dinner and then spend the rest of the evening sitting on his butt watching tv, talking on the phone, playing on the internet and ignoring his family
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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Ok I am starting to get the picture here. You have a common problem. I know it is tiring. My opinion is to fight for the marraige -for better or worse right?
You may or may not agree with me but I am telling you how I feel.
OK assuming you go on with the divorce do you really think things will get easier? Do you think things will get better?
I know you don't see an end to the tunnel but I really think you should give it your all. That is the best you can do.
I understand that he doesn't do enough around the house. I am guilty of that myself. I am getting better but it didn't take over night.
I am responsible for all the computer stuff and car stuff and I am expected to do all of that. I do expect my C/F to do some thing too. I do help her but she does more admittedly, but not once has she come out and help me with the car.
Why do I do that. I am sorry I turned this into me.
Ok back on track.
If you divorce you will be doing all the same stuff but for one less person. I can help you with some ideas, but if you are not willing to fight I am not willing to waste my time. I will talk to you and answer questions and i understand if you just can't work it out, but if you already have your mind made up there really isn't much I can do for you.
What if you go to counselling yourself? I know that you probably do not need it but maybe they can give you ideas on how to better deal with your Hubby.
What do you think?
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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nra_honey
Silver
Reged: 12/20/06
Posts: 55
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I could handle the just not doing anything. I have for years, but it's the screaming, yelling, temper tanturms, alcohol, the world is out to get me, I know better than everyone and everyone else in the world is stupid attitude, coupled with his constant critism of me that I can't handle. I mean, if you couldn't close down the baby exersaucer in two mintues would you really throw it across the room in front of your children and scream "f*** it" even after I have told you repeatively not to act like that especailly in front of the kis.
As for counseling. I would have no problem going, would love to go, because I know I have issues as well, like why I let him go on so long treating me this way before I said something, and why do I always fall for the "bad boys." But he won't let me. If I went it would "appear" to everyone that we have issues and godforbid we ever do anything that would make us look bad to our friends or family.
I guess it just comes down to he know longer seems me as me and if I try and be me and it's not what he wants all hell breaks loose as well. It all has to be about him and if I do something that isn't all about him he freaks!
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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[quote]I could handle the just not doing anything. I have for years, but it's the screaming, yelling, temper tanturms, alcohol, the world is out to get me, I know better than everyone and everyone else in the world is stupid attitude, coupled with his constant critism of me that I can't handle. I mean, if you couldn't close down the baby exersaucer in two mintues would you really throw it across the room in front of your children and scream "f*** it" even after I have told you repeatively not to act like that especailly in front of the kis.
This really seems like Depression to me and is fixable. I wish he could read this thread.
As for counseling. I would have no problem going, would love to go, because I know I have issues as well, like why I let him go on so long treating me this way before I said something, and why do I always fall for the "bad boys." But he won't let me. If I went it would "appear" to everyone that we have issues and godforbid we ever do anything that would make us look bad to our friends or family.
I wonder what it will look like to him if there is an actual divorce.
I guess it just comes down to he know longer seems me as me and if I try and be me and it's not what he wants all hell breaks loose as well. It all has to be about him and if I do something that isn't all about him he freaks! [/quote]
I am sorry. You sure don't deserve to live in fear, and if you are sure he won't hit you stand up for yourself and do it anyway tell him you are doing if for him. If you are afraid I mean really scared that he will get physical leave him.
I agree things are bad for you. I know there seems like there is no help, but all I am saying is do the best you can do to save it and if it fails you will never second guess yourself.
Nobody deserves to be held down like you are, but it is ashame he is not on board to try and save it.
I feel sorry for him and you.
If you need to vent or scream you can always vent or scream to me. Even if I do or don't agree with your decision I will be your friend.
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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nra_honey
Silver
Reged: 12/20/06
Posts: 55
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Thanks for listening. I really appreciate it. I'm just gonna take it one day at a time right now.
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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that is all you can do.
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
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