sharwine
New
Reged: 01/06/07
Posts: 2
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I am 29 yrs old and my wife(25) and I have been married for 5 years. I have had a vascetomy 2 years ago after the birth of our second child. A couple of months ago she told me she was pregnant. It didn't sit with me so I decided to have a sperm count ran...no sperm! I asked her about it and she lied at first and finally came clean (so I thought) and told me that is was some guy she had dated a long time ago and so on... well she came back two days later and told me it was our PASTOR! While she was getting councel one day , at his house whild his wife was at work! This is just horrifying to me. I trusted this man with every thing I had.
She don't ant anything to do with HIM but she wants to keep the baby. He tried to get her to have an abortion and not tell me anything about it. how could this happen? We have never had the perfect marriage. She has lied to me more than she has told the truth throughout this marriage. I just need to talk.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3059
Loc: Colorado
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It's her choice whether to keep the baby. It's you choice whether to divorce her. You are in a position to out the pastor's very inappropriate behavior (his efforts to hide his indiscretion are more offensive than the original indiscretion, in my opinion). Nevertheless, I’d leave that decision to the pastor, your wife and higher powers.
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boothby171
Platinum
Reged: 03/14/06
Posts: 1392
Loc: NY
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KGrow,
Don't you think that if there *were* higher powers the pastor would have gone up in a puff of greasy black smoke by now, or would have been struck by lightning?
Unfortunately, I find myself agreeing with KGrow. It's difficult-decision-time all around. If your wife decides to keep the baby, can the Pastor be forced to pay child support? But that's not really the main issue, I would imagine. What you are faced with is a near total loss of trust in your wife, and your local religious support group at the same time.
Can you and your wife recover frim this? Do YOU want to recover, with her, from this? I would think that you'll need someone, um...secular..to discuss this with.
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--Boothby
My goal: Once a day, make someone laugh so hard that their soda comes out their nose
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overwhelmed
Platinum
Reged: 10/13/06
Posts: 1186
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sharwine - I hope you have a good lawyer. In TN, if a child is born during a marriage, the husband is the legal father whether he is the biological father or not. My ex is benefitting from this stupid law right now.
Now, if she has lied so much are you sure she's telling the truth about the pastor? It would be very unfortunate for you to "out" something that didn't actually occur.
Make sure you start a file and include stuff like the results of your sperm count, any names she throws out as the possible father. You don't want to rely on memory when the baby is born as to who you need to get court orders for paternity on.
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sharwine
New
Reged: 01/06/07
Posts: 2
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Legal father, really...didn't know that. He does admit to it, just his story is different (of course). It's a bunch of he said she said with the truth somewhere in the middle.
I want to be clear on this, I am STILL a christian, and love GOD with all of my heart. I made a mistake of looking at the man, and lifting the man more than the CREATOR. I know that this may seem weird for some of you to read this but in the end GOD will get the GLORy!
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doc40
Platinum
Reged: 05/04/06
Posts: 2839
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I wanted to post to this but I just can't!
I have seen this so much it isn't funny. I would out his ass and let him be the father, no pun intended.
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"To thine ownself be ture"
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annieonce
Platinum
Reged: 03/29/07
Posts: 221
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Sharwine
I am also a christian and I see you are in a horrible place. Your wife made a huge mistake and actually sinned(ohh! we don't hear that word much)I don't make excuses for anyone who cheats.
In my mind though what this pastor did was reprehensable and then to try to talk her in to aborting to cover his butt, if God worked like that I'm sure there would be a puff of smoke, but then we all would have gone up in one wouldn't we. There isn't a bunch of little puffs along the way just one big puff at the end, or not our choice.
The ball is in your court now. As far as the pastor I agree you should make sure that he is the Father then Out the Sucker, and make him own up to the truth. I do think you should be aware that the congregation may side with the pastor (poor man tempted by this harlot, oh brother) but his wife needs to know, his future victims (she was a victim, he was councelling her) need to know. And when there is a wolf among the sheep then that wolf should be taken out. By the way not all Pastors are not like this. I had councelling with two different Pastors (I had to get a second opinion : ) and they both were very understanding and professional, so let's not dis' the church as a whole. Just my take on things.
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hadenuf
New
Reged: 04/11/07
Posts: 6
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please don't blame ur wife 4 what happened. the pastor is to blame. he usurped his authority.i have been married to a pastor for 27yrs. he has been committing adultery with the co-pastors for 16yrs.I tape recorded all their phone sex and sordid sexual details of their affair and all the masturbating. It is sick. now all the perverse details of the taped conversations torment my mind 24/7. I am getting ready to go public with my story and expose my well known preacher husband then I need to find myself a bulldog lawyer. I need to speak with you urgently. please contact me. please give me ur contact e-mail or phone number. don't blame your wife. this conartiste man of god abused her and he needs to be exposed so that there will not be another victim. and oh yes there are many more women out there who have been abused and raped by their so called pastors during counselling sessions. this has to be stopped and the only way it can be done is if we are bold enough to take a stand and bring these perpertrators to justice.
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Jessica wall
New
Reged: 03/11/07
Posts: 10
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BLAME YOUR WIFE TOO! IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A BABY.
And for Hadenuf, why on God's green earth would you still be married after your husband did that. Take some blame in the situation for your own torture, you're the one who taped it, swallow your pride and have some dignity, GET A DIVORCE ALREADY. Are you just trying to keep up appearences or what?
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doc40
Platinum
Reged: 05/04/06
Posts: 2839
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***BLAME YOUR WIFE TOO! IT TAKES TWO TO MAKE A BABY.***
Damn skippy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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"To thine ownself be ture"
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