Ladena
New
Reged: 01/02/07
Posts: 1
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I'll try to be brief. I want a divorce,husband doesn't. We've been trying to do the marital agreement together using our respective lawyers. It has been over 5 m onths and it is not working. He keeps coming up with exceptions to the points we agreed on. I make more money, almost double, I think I'm being very fair in the agreement. He's being a stickler over wanting first rights babysitting rights which I don't want to give in to. He will have every other weekend and 1-2 evenings per week with our 3 yr old.
I will be paying for my 3 year old to be on my medical policy. He insists on taking my pension and wants to alternate the tax credit for child which I said, fine.
He made it clear that he wants to screw me any way he can(because he never wanted the divorce). We agreed that I would buy him out of the home. Now since we can't finalize the agreement he says he's not planning to leave and he's in no hurry. He doesn't want to seek the help of a mediator and wants our case to go before a judge and let him decide on everything(he thinks this will be cheaper and to his advantage for example, he feels he will be awarded maintenance)
We live in the same home and I can't do this anymore. If this divorce will get dragged out for 1-2 years I will lose my mind. Can I move out and take my child? Are there any disadvantages of doing this?
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jersey girl
Platinum
Reged: 08/07/06
Posts: 1629
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If you leave the house, you will never get it back.
It will also escalate the custody issues.
On the babysitting rights - what he will get in court are First Rights of Refusal. That means if you go out or travel outside of normal day care, then he gets first rights of refusal. Trust me, he will get this. My ex has to do a breathalyzer at pick up/drop off and he got these. Don't fight this. Don't let him have day care rights - every single judge will back you on stability for child care to support your and his income.
If you are paying medical and getting very little child support - get the tax credit. They only split them when there are 2 or the dad is clearly paying more.
As for the house - tie it to the pension. He can't have both.
If you haven't formally filed - then do it. That puts you on a status hearing every 30-45 days. The judge will force mediation before a hearing. It costs very little to file and once status hearings start costing your husband $500 a month, he will start moving.
If you are the only one paying on the house now, then look at your options with your lawyer to evict him.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 5139
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Ask your lawyer to get a hearing for temporary orders. You should not have to live a war of the roses in the same household forever, and it's just wrong for you to have to leave and lose control over that huge asset that you are paying for.
Ask your lawyer whether his belief that he'll get support is realistic. The length of marriage and whether it hurt his career will be part of the formula to decide whether you owe it to him at all.
First baby-sitter of choice is standard, and you shouldn't be giving the child to a sitter during the day if a parent is available, for example. It doesnt' mean you have to do anything that's more inconvenient to you... like if you're going on a date and want a sitter for 5 hours on Saturday night, you simply have to call and see if he wants to do it, but he can't tell you WHEN to bring the kid or that you have to drive across town to do it or that you have to pay him or can't pick him up at midnight when the date's over. He doesn't have the choice when he's just the sitter on YOUR parenting time (and visa versa). If he doesn't want to sit by your terms, then you find a private sitter or your mother or something.
He is probably wrong about what a judge will do, but some people just won't come to an agreement if they think they can keep messing with you. And teh danger is that you will make an agreement and he'll keep nudging on each item, renegotiating each line item as if the WORST he can do is what you've already agreed to give him when you gave him a package deal. Someone like this, a mediator won't be able to convince him to be reasonable, either, and would be a waste of your money for the time it takes to go to the mediator.
Your ex seems like he wants to go to court, so why spend all the time in the meantime, spending money on mediators, etc. If he's entirely unable to handle negotiations reasonably, then maybe it's time to drag him to a judge and let him see that he won't win.
A temporary orders hearing will do that. You'll probably get to stay in teh house since you can afford it, and you'll probably get to keep the child since you're staying in the house, and if he gets any alimony at all with you as primary parent of a 3 year old, I'd be shocked!
let us know how it works out!
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