I am considering leaving my husband. He has been unfaithful for years. He says that he will commit suicide if I do. What do I do? Do I allow these words to keep me hostage in an unhappy marriage? Has anyone been through this?
Hi and welcome to the group. Im also new here and just read your post. I havent exactly been in this type of situation with my soon to be ex-husband but I have been through it with my ex-boyfriend of 10 years. He was unfaithful to me throughout our relationship and finally I decided to call it quits with him for good after 10 years! It was a hard decision for me to make because for whatever reason I still (thought) I loved him. Needless to say, he made the same comments about committing suicide, telling me how much he loved me and couldnt live without me ect. There comes a time when you have to tell yourself that you deserve better. You dont deserve to be cheated on and lied to and if he chooses to end his life because you choose to leave him then so be it. It's not YOUR fault that he messed things up between the two of you. The whole threat of suicide is just a way of manipulateing you into staying with him because after all there's a very slim chance that he's going to find someone as good hearted as you who will put up with his nonsense for as long as you have. Dont let his threat stop you from living YOUR life. Do what's right for YOU. He wasnt thinking about you and what he might be looseing when he was being un-trustworthy. Im sure he's brought on the crocodile tears and the promises of change....but it sounds like you've had enough empty promises and are ready to move on. I say go for it and whatever he opts to do with his life is his decision and you have no control over that.
kath - I to am in a situation where my husband was unfaithful. He too has threatened suicide since I filed for divorce. I am currently under going therapy to deal with everything. The best advice I have gotten from my therapist is when someone threatens to hurt themselves the only thing to do is not react and say "It would make me sad if you chose to hurt yourself". I have done this several times. It is a way of saying I care but if you do so then it is your choice. It is a bullying tactic. Don't give in to it.
-------------------- Love like you have never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching and sing like nobody's listening.
"The best advice I have gotten from my therapist is when someone threatens to hurt themselves the only thing to do is not react and say "It would make me sad if you chose to hurt yourself". I have done this several times. It is a way of saying I care but if you do so then it is your choice. It is a bullying tactic. Don't give in to it."
Regardless of his affairs, don't you suppose that if he makes such a statement, he must really love you? Are you really sure that, for all men, having an affair is always purely a considered act of willfull commission? I'm willing to bet that the therapist who advised you that "this is only a bullying tactic" is a woman. Will she give you free therapy if you leave him, he subsequently kills himself and you are then consumed with guilt for the rest of your life? Sigmund Freud once said that the most common cause of neurosis was guilt over the way the patient had treated someone who is deceased, because no apology or compensation to the departed person could ever be made!
If modern history and human experience teach us anything, it is that you don't do something if the possible consequences are both utterly unacceptable and completely irreversible. Yes, it is a decision that only you can make and, regardless of what anyone else says, only you will have to live with the consequences.
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