zebra
New
Reged: 03/23/07
Posts: 2
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Last Friday my wife told me to leave. She told me this at 10:00 am and that I had till 12:30 to get out. I left because the house is in her name and I was afraid that I would go to jail.
Let me inlighten you to the issue. I am a alcoholic and she does not like that at all. That is one of the issues at stake. We split once before do the the alcohol but she took me back saying that she loved me and had promised her I would quit. The non drinking lasted about a month and I started drinking again. Four years later, she kicked out again for abusing alcohol. By the way, I am not a violent drunk, and I lost my job in December do to testing pos to alcohol. I go for a drug test for a job today. I know I have a problem and I am getting help.
She also states that I am controlling. That I tell her what to eat, when to eat ect. Which I defend by saying that I make sure she has food ready when gets home from work, when she gets ready for work and food to take to work. She thinks that is possessive, I say it is caring.
I spoke with her today and she said that she doesn't feel anything for me. That I promised four years ago that I would quit and I have not quit. That if she took me back that I would just start drinking again down the road...whether is be one week, one month, one year or ten years...that I will drink again.
I am willing to go to marriage counseling but she won't consider it. She said she isn't going to get a divorce right now. So that gives me some hope. I love my wife with all my heart and will do anything to win her back. She says that she loves me as the father of our child, but does not love me as a husband. We would be celebrating our 15th anniversary in June it we decide.
Also, my wife and I did almost everything together. We had no real outside friends, but we did alot of things.
PLEASE ANY IDEAS?!?
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battler1
Bronze
Reged: 07/29/07
Posts: 34
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don't give up. no how bad she tries to make you feel . being divorced is the worst thing in life if you are still in love and want to stay with her. Use the Jimmy Valvano say. Never ever give up. I did because She tried hurting me so much that I quit. That was the worse mistake I ever made in my life. I hope this can help you save your marriage. The very best,best,best advise is listen and dont respond to any negatives she says, but agree with her and be queit. Things just might get better. Communication is the key and us men don't understand until its to late. Listen!!!!!!!
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Idontcareanymore
New
Reged: 08/13/07
Posts: 21
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You obviously have an addictive/compulsive personality and are in denial. I'm sorry to be so direct, but my 18 yr marriage, w/ 3 boys, is over because of my stbx husband's gambling addiction. While he's not gambled in 7 yrs, he is now a sex/drug addict. If you do not seek treatment, through a 12 step program, and truly commit to it, nothing will change. With that said, my stbx has been going to GA for seven years, and has now found someone who is "compatible" to him and he's been having an affair. Last straw. Own up to your weakness, seek counseling, therapy, whatever. Take the steps you know you need to if you want to save your marriage. I don't blame your wife at this point. Stop being a victim and own up if she really means all to you that you say. I am praying for you.
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Matt247
New
Reged: 06/21/08
Posts: 4
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Hiya all.
Im Matt and like Zebra, ive been an alcoholic for many years but a functioning one. I've been married for 13 years and in that time four years ago i had an affair. It was very breif and only lasted 8 weeks but the damage has been insurmountable. She asked me to come home, and we tried but i had to go about 2 years later because of trust issues. After being away for 10 months she asked me to come home again, and i was more than willing to try.I put the past firmly behind me and tried really hard but because i work nights the relaitionship never recovered..........i simply didnt have the time. I shoulda seen the cracks appearing, but i was to self absorbed in making money (we had a very poor start to our marriage and would do anything to avoid that again) Last Monday, (a week ago) my wonderful wife told me she no longer loved me and was leaving. It was a culminaition of the years of put downs, sarcasm, patronising her, trying to control her etc. I never had a clue i was doing this.....it came as a compleat shock. Anyway, shes going and theres nothing i can do to stop it, she dont love me anymore and wont even entertain counsiling. Its only just hit me, and i think alcoholics call this a "moment of clarity" That over the years, my gorgeous missus has supported me, put up with my moaning and my abuse, done all she can and then some..........and finally, its just run out. Im currently dry and sober, this has shocked the booze outta me and am going to train for a new job working days so i get to see my 8 yr old son as much and often as i can. I cant belive ive hurt her the way i have and would do all i could to turn back the clock and actually listen to her rather than talk over her and put her down the way i have. I'd do anything to have my loving family back but dont know where to start. I know i deserve all im getting and am taking a course to sort out my crap attitude but i really feel, as does my wife that this is to little to late. What more can i do?........I need your help. Thankyou
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Gilbert
New
Reged: 08/20/08
Posts: 8
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All you can do is stay sober.
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