Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2223
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I am dating a man who was married for 18 years and has 2 teens, 15 and 19 who live with his X. He pays the required 28% support for them, plus another 10-15% (give or take) spousal support with a 4 year reviewable clause. The 4 years is up this summer. The reason he still pays on the 19 year old is that he dropped out of school (without his dads knowledge) and is working on a GED. I believe the judge will drop this one. He also still provides medical insurance for the X. Anyway...his X has not sought meaningful employment during these 4 years. She works out of the house part time. During the marriage, she worked periodically. She has some college, but no degree. She had treatable depression, breast cancer caught early on, treated, and has been in remission ever since. She sees a counselor now. I believe she is mentally stable enough to work, but is highly manipulative and lazy and is under the assumption that her X husband should support her indefinately. She likes to smoke, drink, and sleep til noon. I believe she will be hard pressed to provide medical documentation for the duration of the 4 years preventing her from job training or education. I work very hard for what I have and am hesitant to commit for fear of the future of this case.
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theanswerguy
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2147
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The rule of thumb for alimony is that is paid for 1/3 to 1/2 the length of the time the marriage lasted . With the ex's health issues , it's quite possible a judge could continue the alimony for another term . Even with 1 child emancipated , the CS savings will only be % points .
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Never let your sense of morals get in the way of doing what's right. Isaac Asimov
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4842
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Wait till the modification of support is finished before you make a commitment. until then, keep dating him. He may be a real gem for having put up with a lazy woman all that time. If she's medically unable to get a real job, she needs to file for social security disability, and the social security people will be reviewing her disability to see if they agree with it. They're pretty tough, so if she gets approved for disability, then you can be pretty sure she IS disabled. ON the other hand, if she DOES get approved for disability, then that's income to her and maybe she'll no longer need so much in alimony, huh? If she does NOT qualify, then maybe she'll still be able to prove it to the divorce judge, because the standards are different... but still... it's going to be tougher on her & you'll know what kinds of things she's using to make that claim, because sh'll have collected the medical information for the social security disability claim.
Send a note to her in the request for information about the supoprt modification hearing, that she needs to send you a copy of her application for social security for that disability that she's claiming. THAT will get her moving, and ... well, heck if she DOES make the application and GETs it, then that's GOOD for him, OK?
Otherwise, don't you get involved. It's possible that the support obligation will continue, it's possible that it'll be reduced... don't count on anything until the court rules.
I had a similar situation. Not with the alimony, but with a man who thought he was goign to be living on half his salary for the rest of his life. When he finally got an attorney & went to court on it, it turned out that she gets a tiny amount because other things in his case were NOT as he thought they were. The moral of his story? don't assume that things will go the way they do in the movies or even on this website. Get a good lawyer, go to court, and wait to see. You might win big... you might not...
Good luck.
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KGrow
Platinum
Reged: 01/27/06
Posts: 3112
Loc: Colorado
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I think you have to assume he's going to be required to continue to support her. If that is a deal breaker for you, it's time to move on.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2223
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Thanks so much for your replies. Keep them coming. I value all and any responses.
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RemLex
Gold
Reged: 04/22/07
Posts: 146
Loc: Chicago, Illinois
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When two people have a past like a marriage and children, there is ALWAYS bagage!
I would have a very difficult time getting involved with anyone with a divorce and children behind them...YES even though I am and do! I just feel you never have that piece of them that was originally given to the first spouse...sorry, I know I will get some slack for that comment, but it's just my opinion.
Good Luck
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~a clear conscience is the sign of a bad memory~
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MWayne
New
Reged: 05/02/07
Posts: 4
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I was referred this site, www.LowerSupportPayments.com and the guide they had really did help out in showing me how to get my alimony support payments reduced. I always knew I was paying too much, and alot of what I was paying was just going to pay for her dates with her new boyfriend and not basic living essentials like it is supposed to be spent. At least now I know that she can't be spending much of the money on dates with my payments getting lowered. Just thought I'd let anyone know about this site in case you are getting screwed out of every dime and are tired of it like I was.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2223
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MWayne--I went to that site and it seems like it's primarily for child support. Tell me your story please.
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4842
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Sorry Sarah, MWayne was an advertisement who posted four messages all at the same time on several different forums... same message, mostly not relevant to the discussion at hand but minimally relevant to the forum (support of some sort).
Not worth a second look. Coming here & pretending to be one of us, then whipping out his bag of samples & asking for money. Not worth our time.
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adrenaline
Platinum
Reged: 03/21/06
Posts: 3892
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[quote]I think you have to assume he's going to be required to continue to support her. If that is a deal breaker for you, it's time to move on. [/quote]
wouldn't it suck if a lazy ex-wife breaks up or prevents a good new marriage?
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The problem isn't the game; it is that nobody knows the rules.
Edited by adrenaline (05/11/07 06:30 PM)
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gigi
Platinum
Reged: 11/06/06
Posts: 4842
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I kind of agree with both of you. It would suck if a lazy ex wife prevented a good second marriage. On the other hand, if the second wife is so committed to not dealing with this baggage and being angry over it, then it's not exactly going to be a good second marriage.
Who did I hear recently wehre this was exactly the problem? Was it on this forum? Someone who was SO upset about her boyfriend's or husband's ongoing commitment to alimony and his children from hsi first marriage that she let it get in the way of her relationship with him.
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2223
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Here's the latest....his 15 year old daughter is making waves about moving in with him bacause her mom is a nut. Of course the mother is sending her on a guilt trip saying things like, "Do you want to see me lose this house!" I'm sure the child and spousal support thing is looming over her head. Would the courts "call it a day" because she then would owe child support and he owes maintenance??? I realize this depends on the income of both parties.
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jbar
Platinum
Reged: 12/16/06
Posts: 989
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==========================================================================================
wouldn't it suck if a lazy ex-wife breaks up or prevents a good new marriage (by insisting on continued alimony)?
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This ex-wife should be retrained for honest work as a prostitute, as it sounds like that is about all she can do to contribute anything at all to society. Of course, as long as DEMAGOGUE politicians continue to insist on doing the thing that is politically safe for themselves--based upon the "judgement" of ignoramuses--she will nonetheless remain idle, and a slavemaster over her ex-husband, forever.
As long as we are suggesting appropriate work for people, why don't we consider retraining politicians and lawyers to be good, first rate plumbers? They should already have a valuable, working knowledge of s--t, considering the length of time they have been forcing it upon the people!
Edited by jbar (05/13/07 08:10 PM)
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2223
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You GO JBar!!
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Sarah1014
Platinum
Reged: 04/12/07
Posts: 2223
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Do you think she'll be penalized in any way because she has made no headway getting back on her feet?????
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Qweenee
New
Reged: 05/02/08
Posts: 11
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wouldn't it suck if a lazy ex-wife breaks up or prevents a good new marriage? [/quote]
I agree with you on that becaause I have had those thoughts also. What a sad situation if she won in the end because we split up because of her! BUT...one can only take so much.
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Jada
Platinum
Reged: 06/02/07
Posts: 3240
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[quote]I was referred this site, www.LowerSupportPayments.com and the guide they had really did help out in showing me how to get my alimony support payments reduced. I always knew I was paying too much, and alot of what I was paying was just going to pay for her dates with her new boyfriend and not basic living essentials like it is supposed to be spent. At least now I know that she can't be spending much of the money on dates with my payments getting lowered. Just thought I'd let anyone know about this site in case you are getting screwed out of every dime and are tired of it like I was. [/quote]
I've read that sight. Funny thing is, state's are starting to get wise to those sights. And it isn't that easy anymore.
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