You obviously have an addictive/compulsive personality and are in denial. I'm sorry to be so direct, but my 18 yr marriage, w/ 3 boys, is over because of my stbx husband's gambling addiction. While he's not gambled in 7 yrs, he is now a sex/drug addict. If you do not seek treatment, through a 12 step program, and truly commit to it, nothing will change. With that said, my stbx has been going to GA for seven years, and has now found someone who is "compatible" to him and he's been having an affair. Last straw. Own up to your weakness, seek counseling, therapy, whatever. Take the steps you know you need to if you want to save your marriage. I don't blame your wife at this point. Stop being a victim and own up if she really means all to you that you say. I am praying for you.