Divorce Support Forums: Facing a possible end.

Just joined. Lost and confused. Two years ago I had been married for 11 years and my wife wanted to get a divorce. I've never done drugs, I am not an alcoholic, and have never hit her. But I've always had control and anger issues. Two years ago I was hit in the soul with her saying that. She was patient, and after a couple months saw I was changing instead of saying I would (like I had many times).

Two years later, though many of the previous issues are not issues, she is thinking about it again. She grew up with a family where her step-dad (and still to this day) controls every move her mom makes. My wife has now hit a wall she says, that she can't fight anymore, can't hurt anymore, can't deal with no control over her own time. I'm in a situation where two years ago I knew what I was doing wrong and didn't stop till she wanted to leave. Now I had no idea I was doing things that have pushed her to a point she said last night she isn't sure she can come back from. I'm not sure if by she isn't sure she means NO WAY, or she just can't deal with it now. Last time I worked on things on my own. This time I realized words won't work, and saying I will act on my own won't either.

She hasn't left the house, hasn't asked me to. I voluntarily sleep in a separate room now because she asked for space and time alone. I've been doing this since last Friday and she has said she appreciates it.

But she said when I want to talk for just 10-15 minutes about it she gets anxiety and fear.

This latest kick to the head took place last Friday. I talked to a friend Monday, and have gone to the pastor of his church already (yesterday). He is going to get me in touch with two groups, one for people with control issues; and two, one for anger management.

I don't want a divorce though I know I can't keep her from it if she wants that. She admitted she has always had communication issues, fearing an angry reply back, which I do understand. But am I wrong to feel some anger that she let it build up two years ago before telling me we had a huge problem, and if there was some other building issue now, why didn't she say something?

She is not open at all to seeing any impartial party together, and won't even really comment on maybe at some point seeing someone individually.

I realize I have been a major factor, and between the pastor and seeking actually going for help with my issues, I had hoped she may be more encouraged, not commit to staying or even say I will see how it goes, all I got is "I'm at a wall I don't know I can come back from."

I'm going through with what I need to get others to help me with. We do have 3 kids, almost 12, almost 9 and 5. I would never want to stay together just for them, but I think we have so much good, more than bad, but she isn't seeing or maybe believing that.

She hasn't flat out said I want a divorce. She hasn't said we need to get the house ready to sell. She hasn't said she wants to have a separation outside the house.

I don't know what this means. I do love her, haven't treated her that way a lot, but I truly do. I don't want to be married or with anyone else. She told me she believes this.

But it is dealing with this not knowing if/when she will drop the shoe that is tearing me up.

I can't talk to her since she wants to avoid the topic, but we talk at home about the kids, my sons football team, etc.

I really think she is soon to say she has made the choice to leave, but won't say anything either way, she has a great poker face.

I know this was long, I'm new, I will work on shorter posts.

I'm not gonna pressure her, I'm going to continue being in another room, and I'm gonna go to the groups.

But how do you deal with someone you do truly love, someone who says they believe that, but can't say they will even just see how it goes?

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