Divorce Support Forums: General lawyer advice question

Give them a bit o fthe picture, then ask what their position would be in representing YOU... on alimony, custody, parenting time, support & property division. Know, ahead of time some general guidelines. Where they are undercutting the guidelines as you know them, in every area, ask details of how they intend to get this stuff for you. In areas where it seems they're explaining that you're asking for too much, ask why.

If you don't understand either explanation, don't go with them. You don't want a snake-oil salesman who is trying to convince you that he can make your dreams come true, only to find it won't happen in the end. You also don't want someone who is working so hard to make you compromise that you're not comfortable with the compromises they're asking (and maybe that type of lawyer has represented too many members of the opposite sex & has some prejudices working against them).

Get someone who regularly practices in your courthouse, which generally means in your county or city. That person will know the customs in teh courthouse, whether or not the judge gets roaring mad at a paper filed a day late or whether he could care less... whether the judge follows the guidelines or prides herself on being a maverick & doing something unusual.

Don't go with the oldest dude around, they're good, slick sales types with high prices & an oppositional attitude (sometimes even offensive or sexist), and everyone in the courthouse knows them when they walk in. They make a good show in front of their clients, but it's not necessarily goign to pay off in results.

Be careful about a large firm that might hand your file off to other attorneys for minor hearings, even major meetings like settlement conferences & such. Be just as careful about a solo practitioner who has problems with their communication system. If they are always availabel by internet, then who cares if their receptionist takes long lunches, but if you can't reach them at all & they never return their calls till a week later, you might have someone who is too disorganized to handle this, or too busy with otehr cases.

You need someone who has been doing this at least 3 years... FAMILY law. Not someone who just switched from criminal or writing wills or whatever. You want them to know the basics immediately. Don't expect anyone to know the more difficult issues right off the top of their head. If they pretend to know, ask when is the last time they dealt with a similar issue & tell you teh story of what happened... it's reasonable for them to knwo your particular situation if they handled a memorable case involving it, but there are SO MANY different issues and details in a divorce, no one lawyer can pretend to have all the answers at their fingertips.... the basics, like what are standard visitation, standard property settlements, standard procedures... yep, if they've been doing it a few years, they should know this, but the intricate details, be careful if they pretend ot have snap answers too easily.

Oh, and they should be familiar with explaining to you waht is the next step that you need to take, and teh various steps you need to anticipate before this is over with... the steps are kind of like a flow chart... make one move, and depending upon the rusults of that move, you may be making one of two moves next, and then next, and next. Some go straight from start to finish without a whole lot of branches, other divorces branch out all over the place, but the basic, most likely processes should be easy for them to explain to you.

Someone who pays to advertise that they represent husbands certainly WANTS to get husbands on their caseloads, but that doesn't always mean they're good at it. It's good for you to talk to them if they'll give you a few minutes & see if they answer your questions the way you want, but you might be better off with someone who represents both sides equally, no one at the courthouses (particualrly the judges) will be rolling their eyes & expecting a cookie-cutter pursuit of your case.

Oh, and about the old dudes... I started to talk about posturing in front of their clients. It's a great way to get more business, but not such a great way to get the right thing to happen for your case. They can yell & bluster & stride around thinking up dirty tricks & accusing other people of nasty things, but this is often just a show. The judges will politely listen & smile because they know the lawyer is putting on a show for their client, but the show does not change the evidence.

No lawyer can work miracles, don't go with one who claims they can... theyr'e stuck with the situation you present to them and what you want is the lawyer who can effectively get through the process so taht your WHOLE position can be presented to the judge. No dirty tricks will help this happen, and ... well, like theparents who try the "alienating" trick, these things often backfire.

Oh, and ask if they can explain how in the world people afford their services. If they promise that your ex will pay for anything, if she does anything wrong that you'll get attorney's fees... well... that's usually unrealistic. People always ASK for attorney's fees to be paid by the other party, particualrly when the other one has been a jerk... but some people are all focused on hwo the fees will be so expensive, that they forget that they'll lose HALF THEIR HOUSE if they don't have their lawyer doing this work for them! Not that an expensive lawyer can pull any dirty tricks & find a way to get teh whole house, but you really don't want to find yourself unprotected & facing someone else's dirty tricks and maybe LOSING your fair share. So even if they agree, "sure, we'll put in a request for attorney's fees", make certain they're not wroking to convince you to pay them now because they'll make certain your ex pays you back for it later... that's just unrealistic... I saw a $50,000 lawyer bill once, and the jduge said, "yep, he should pay you back part of that for making you need teh laweyr for extra time"... and how much did the judge order the ex to pay my friend??? $500... that's FIVE HUNDRED of a FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLAR lawyer bill.

To be fair, $50,000 is a huge amount and was only mostly necessary because her ex DID, in fact, try to sell the house out from under her & force her to move. And even the judge thought her ex was being a total jerk... but the judge just gave him a slap on the wrist... a SYMBOL of the fact that he had been a naughty boy... rather than a real, realistic penalty of making him pay for what his nastiness actually cost his ex.

So... ask how people pay for the fees, but be leery about anyone who claims that they get the ex to pay them all... ask what they intend to recommend you do about the various issues, and be careful abotu anyone who promises too much or too little... and avoid big divorce mills, little overworked & under-organized solos, babes in the woods and old dudes doing it as a hobby rather than retiring.

Finally, find someone who cares about your case and your child enough to try to help you figure out a way to offer for your ex to have tiem with the child without causing harm. And if this person is willing to say stuff that you might not want ot hear, that's probably one who is being honest with you about what the results might be.

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