Divorce Support Forums: Please read, I just need someone to talk to.

Ok, I am very new to all of this, this is the first support forum I have ever joined!! My story: I am 32, have been with my husband for 8 years, married for 4 years. We have two boys, 3 ½ and 1 ½. When we met he was in the process of divorcing his first wife, they were married for 6 years, no kids. When we met, he was 28 and I was 24 (this is my first marriage). When we met, we fell in love immediately and felt like we were each other’s soul mates. We used to sit in my truck, listen to music, and just stare at one another, communicating without words (just typing this makes me want to cry). Anyways, about a year after we started dating, he stopped being loving, caring and attentive. He and his ex-wife had a lot of debt, and didn’t own any property so when we got together he had no assets and a crapload of debt. I didn’t have any debt, so when we decided to get an apartment together I was the one who ended up buying mostly everything. We moved into an expensive apartment, he bought a classic car that he wanted to restore, and devoted all of his spare time (and money) on the weekends to working on it, basically leaving me alone. He didn’t participate in planning for the future, I was the one who paid the bills, cleaned the house and worried about our financial future. Flash forward to 7 years and 2 kids later, we have a pile of debt (mostly his car, motorcycle, tool bills, car parts, etc.) are renting a house, have no savings. I have been thinking about divorce for about a year now. We have talked about our relationship several times, he has admitted that he emotionally “checked out” of our relationship a long time ago. His first marriage was emotionally damaging to him, they fought a lot and broke up and got back together a lot. He says he always thought he was the kind of person who only got married once, and the experience was emotionally draining for him. Since we met so quickly after they finally split, he never got the time and space he needed to heal. I understand all of this, but it has been 8 years!!! Now his 2nd marriage is in danger. He admits he knows he needs to do better, and has been making some positive changes (helping w/housework, making phone calls that he would have left for me to do, etc.). But that is still not good enough for me. It seems like the more effort he puts forth the less satisfied I am. He tells me that I can’t expect him to be perfect overnight, but damn it, I have been waiting 7 years for him to pull his head out of his a**!

I want a partner, someone I can talk about the future and plan with. I have a college degree, a good paying job, and recently took on a second job to help pay off debt. He has no education, changed careers (after 15 years in the same industry) and subsequently took a pay cut. He has a part time job working for his parents but he never gets the hours in that he needs to really make a financial difference.

All that said, he is a great father to our kids, and is very involved with their lives. I am torn on what to do. Our sex life is practically non-existent, I don’t want to have sex with him because I don’t respect him and therefore am not attracted to him. I honestly don’t want to get divorced but I can’t live this way any longer. Has anyone else came from a similar situation and got the love back?

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