From a guy's perspective (analytical): one of the problems of communicating your wants is it is a little like your mom telling you to say thank you, once it's been asked for, the act itself is diminished. It goes both ways, when I finally got clued in about my wife's unhappiness, I did everything on your list and still do, but I can feel her wondering if I am just responding to crisis, and it's not really sincere (it is). When she does something I ask for, like say "I love you" first, I wonder if she is just going through the motions. I think mostly when a marriage goes through trauma, you need patience, you should continue to express your feelings in ways that are honest and seem to get results, and gradually work on regaining that trust in the other person's feelings as well. Sounds like you and your husband are ahead of us so keep it up and stay positive, but I feel like we're on the road to joining you.