Divorce Support Forums: when to give up hope?

I am so sorry and my heart hurts for you. I was in your place, except my (first) ex started cheating on me before he informed me it was over. Time will help, and an excellent book called Uncoupling which helped me realize this is a recognized pattern among people who want a divorce; it's called having an exit affair. It provides a rationale for exploding what you thought was a good marriage: he's already moved on (your husband may not be cheating but if he wants time to himself, time for testing his options, and maybe you'll be important again later, he HAS moved on). Try to come to grips with the harsh concept of "checking out." He's checked out of the marriage, and one horse cannot pull a two-horse cart when the other horse is laying down. You are complete unto yourself. It's your party, and underneath it all, you probably don't want anyone there who doesn't want to attend. I wish I could give you more hope but it sounds like he doesn't want to be an a@!hole but that his heart is not in it anymore. You made important vows, but I think you are allowed out of them if the other person breaks them. Are you loved, honored and cherished? There are people who love, honor and cherish you; they're called family and friends. You will need to lean on them. Do. When you are so wounded, it helps to know people out there do care about you, find you worthy and want to help. You will be pleasantly surprised and heartened...and will eventually get to the point where his indifference doesn't taint 87% of your self-image.

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