Divorce Support Forums: A question for stepparents

I understand your frustration, I have a 10 year old daughter and SO has 3 children. I've noticed most advice on this forum regarding step parenting is "Its not your place, you have no legal rights, etc." However the reality is you have no say in anything regarding the step kids but you are ridiculed by the other parent for doing anything for your kids that you don't do for the step kids. I'm in a situation everytime I do anything with my daughter the step kids mother is calling and telling us everything is so unfair. Here is the reality: Stepkids go to Disneyworld for vacation for good grades every quarter, my daughter doesn't because I can't afford to take 4 kids and it wouldn't be fair to the step kids if I didn't take them. Step kids get to go shopping with their mom and buy new clothes or toys whatever, if I buy my daughter clothes again another phone call about it not being fair. Part of the problem is my daughter's father is not involved in any way other then a phone call maybe twice a year, I am the only provider for her so I have no choice but to buy her more clothes then the other kids. I understand kids won't understand that but you would think the other parent would and would try to help their kids understand that not everybody gets exactly the same things all the time. The fact is they all probably end up having the same amounts of clothes and toys, theirs is just at 2 homes instead of 1. Its all very frustrating, no matter what you do someone will feel like they aren't treated fairly. If you or someone else has any advice to offer it would be greatly appreciated.

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