Sounds to me like your husband "spends what little money we have on stupid stuff like Ebay" because it's all he has. From your degrading remarks of him, you apparently "checked out" of the marriage a long time ago. Your biggest hang up seems to be a lack of money.
"I'm afraid I'll wind up on Medicaid because he'll spend my money"
What money? You don't work for a paycheck. And, most feel that money earned during a marriage belongs to both...and the law looks at it this way.
From what you posted, you feel his money is yours....and you don't want to get a job until after divorce, because you don't want to share the money you would earn.