Divorce Support Forums: Ladies, should I be mean afterwards?

And this current "try" (that she didn't TRY before) consists of begging you to stay. If you stay, she will STILL not believe that you will leave her adn she still won't TRY. Because she will know that all she has to do is beg, plead, make you feel guilty and maybe this time escalate the suicidal threats into an actual suicidal act, and you'll be right back.

She is sick and she can't get better without you. Even if you still loved her, she couldn't get batter with you there. You HAVE to leave her in order for her to get better. And then if she tries, finds a better life, and resolves some of the issues she's had lately, you'll be able to consider whether or not to get back together with her, with her as an independent woman (as independent as she can get) and a full partner in your romance (maybe even re-marriage, if that's what happens), and a complete participant rather than a drain on your emotional and financial resources.

Of COURSE it's better for her to be with you, heck, even if you're angry and hate her, than for her to be without you, because you are acting like her slave, giving everything to her, and not getting anything back in exchange. She's like a child who has decided that it's nicer IN the nest than OUT, so if she can convince Mom & Dad to let her stay for longer rather than go to school or get work or become independent, then she'll stay... let Mom & Dad do her laundry, pay the bills, etc., etc... and then complain that they don't treat her like an independent adult and impose RULES on her like a house curfew and no overnight guests or whatever...

Most kids want to grow up and be independent, but some are willing to let their natural inertia take over and will stay if they can convince their parents to let them. And your wife is treating you in this same way... if she can convince you to let her continue to be lazy and not figure out her own issues, then she WILL. And she's going to whine and try to make you feel guilty, like a nasty guy, if you dare to not go along with her plan.

BUT if you do leave, if you kick her out of the nest, then she just MIGHT find a way to fend for herself without you, and once she does that, she just MIGHT get better enough to attract you again (not that you or I or anyone believes this will happen, but we know for SURE it won't happen unless she DOES change, and we KNOW she will not change if you stay with her, and her motivation seems to be to KEEP you, so if it makes her understand why you need to leave, it's to break her from her inertia so that she can make the changes she needs in order to get you back... because she can not KEEP you, she has LOST you... she has the chance to win you back if she wants, but that chance will not be successful if the best she can do is say she knows you don't love her any more but that she needs you and will kill herself without you ... this is NOT a way to make yourself attractive or renew a romance, and she will see that once you're gone.

The pathetic act is not conducive to a good marriage. Good luck with this evening's talk.

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