Divorce Support Forums: ok for kids to stay all night with brother??

Kota could not "never" ask her ex if he watned to keep the kids if there were a babysitter of choice clause in her decree, which most people want. You want him calling you on his nights rather than leaving the kids alone, right?

Even if the kids are older, the question is which is more important, time on their own (or with friends or strangers, relatives, neighbors) or time with the other parent, and the general principle is that it's better for the kids to have time with parents than with others. There are exceptions to the principle, but just envision how you'd feel if you found out from the kids that they were left home alone during a storm for the whole night while thier father was out on a date, and they were scared (a friend of mine went through this... he & his ex had equal time with the kids and on the night he found out that she was not calling him for babysitting time as she was supposed to was a very scary storm. the kids were frantic, couldnt' reach their mother who was on a date, and had been ordered not to call their father.)

And if your kids are older, imagine if you found out that on their father's weekend with them, he left them home alone and they took advantage of the opportunity and left the house and went to a party that you would not have approved of if they'd asked permission.

Kota's situation may be different if she and her ex have worked things out so that they are both happy with the babysitting plans, or if the ex is not set up for babysitting or otherwise made it clear he doesn't want the extra opportunity to see the kids, OR if there is simply no babysitter of choice clause in thier decree... but really, you might want to GIVE him the option to babysit and let him reject it until YOU and YOUR ex work out an amiable resolution of these issues OR you have guidance from the court on whether or not you need to give him the first rights to babysit when you're not with them for a certain number of hours (that friend with the young kids & the thunderstorm, it's a THREE hour babysitter of choice clause... with my husband and his older teen kids, it's a SIX hour clause).

The side benefit of giving him the option at this point and letting him reject it is that you work up a track record for how this SHOULD work out, if it works well and the two of you cooperate, it might actually help in other areas, and if it does NOT work out well and you need special things in YOUR babysitter of choice clause to make it work better, you can ask for it... OR... even not relating to any potential babysitter of choice clause, if he rejects all opportunities to have the kids for such babysitting opportunities, and you've made note of it in a calendar, then you will have evidence for the court about how many times he's REJECTED opportunities to see the kids, if he is coming back and demanding more time than that when the custody battle starts.

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