Divorce Support Forums: this is not right!!!!!!!

As much as being a stay-at-home-mom is hard work, it is NOT work that brings in the bacon. When things get tough, a family needs to change it's configuration so that a roof might stay over thier heads and food on the table. For a family to have one person devoted to raising the children and keeping house is a wonderful luxury for that family (hard work that it is). And you were lucky to have it for a while. But you don't any more, so you need to figure out how to make ends meet with whatever the law will give you (since the person you chose as the father of your children is not generous to give you more than that). You NEED to figure out what work to do. This is not an option. Please don't stick your head in the sand on this and open your mind to the possibilities, figure out what you want to do and how you're going to make ends meet with VERY LITTLE help from your stbx.

Your lawyer is not working for charity, and will not advance you the money needed to pay the filing fee, so you have to come up with it before he can file, and by having his secretary talk to you, he's saving you a ton of money. If he stopped what he was doing and talked to you about these things, every minute would be charged (well, probably ever 6 minutes)... and that means that just answering the question of explaining that he can't file till you've paid the filing fee will cost you between $10 and $30, which is truly better spent on your children and gas to pound the pavement and find a job.

This is just work for him. It's how HE brings home the bacon to HIS family (and if he's like about half the lawyers in the world these days, his wife also works & brings home some of the family bacon as well). If he's going to spend his time for free with someone, it's goign to be his own wife & kids... so don't expect him to come talk to you about these preliminary details unless you want to pay him for it.

I know you're venting, but on THESE issues, you need to figure out a different approach. THese issues seem to all involve money, and I know that money is terrifying, especially if you feel that you have zero control over whether or not you can get it and what you have to spend it on. You now have a child and a lawyer's fees and a house to maintain, and no promise of money coming in to make that happen. So the ONLY solution is to figure out what kind of work you're going to do... that's step one. What are you going to do (other than pursue the stbx to the ends of the earth to try to force him to pay), to bring in more money? There are lots of choices, some that are satisfying and others that will let you have more flexibility for the kids, some that require a lot of education, some that require charm and common sense, and others that just require plain old muscle. Figure out what you want to do, other than be a mommy, and that will be a starting point to figuring out the next step (whether you need time with alimony to get licensed, whether you need to sell the house and move, whether you need to convince your ex to take the kids during your shift... whatever that is. Your next step is to figure out what you want to do, and then once you know that, we can maybe help you figure out how to get there.

But PLEASE don't let the anger and fear of these financial things paralyze you into feeling helpless about it. Don't let inaction be your response.

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