Divorce Support Forums: I am so confused

I have been with my husband for almost 11 years (married for 7) and we have a beautiful son together. I have never really been happy with him. Never wanted to go anywhere with him, did not want to have sex with him, just didnt want him involoved in my life at all. I came close once to cheating on him but I never went through with it. this triggered me to get us some counseling. Things were good for a few months then back to where we were before. Well, my husband has a short fuse and I have asked him several times to get help for this. The last time he went off the handle, it scared the crap out of me so I asked him to move out. He was staying with his aunt when I got an email from and exboyfriend that I have not heard or seen from in over 10 years. Of course I was curious to what he has been up to and a relationship started. I felt so guilty by this that I have asked my husband for a divorce. He has no idea of what I have done nor do I think I will ever tell him but I am stuck. When I am not with my husband, I miss him terribly but once we are together, I cant wait to leave. I also fell for this other guy. I have no idea what to do. I have made an appointment to get personal counseling but I am just so confused.

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