Unlike child support, spousal support is often very difficult (if not impossible) to modify after the divorce is final, so getting it right the first time is a must!
Don't let the possibility of life-time alimony keep you up at night, just yet. My divorce was final three weeks ago. I made $135K, he made $22K (barely). I had a $110K 401K plan, he had $8K. We were married 19 years and have 2 kids.
I have sole custody. He was a Stay at home dad for 8 years. After 6 years he became an alcoholic then a drug addict. It was like having a third child and he sucked the life out of us.
He was so desperate for money that he didn't go to trial. He received half of the equity in the house ($180K) and half of the combined 401K ($55K-$60K once its finally QDROed.) I am paying for his medical insurance at $423 a month until 3/09.
I felt much as you do. I busted my butt for this family while he sat on his butt and actually hurt this family for the past 6 years. And I was looking at 15% gross for life?
It didn't happen. Do whatever you can to find her hot buttons and settle with her so you don't have to go to trial. What does she really want? Be smart, stay calm and get your lawyers input as to the worst-case scenario.
I lived in fear of lifetime SS. As I said, my lawyer said it could have been up to 15% of my gross for life. More likely it would have been $1000 a month for 6 years IF WE HAD GONE TO TRIAL.