after having read you story (at least 3 times) I have to ask you why you feel the need to "soften" the blow? Your wife is the one who needs to get up off her sorry butt and find a life. I have to ask; what are the chances she is addicted to pain medication? As for her smoking? How could you stand to live with ANYONE who smokes? I would get filling A.S.A.P!! If she wanted this marriage saved, as she claims she does, she would have been in counseling YEARS AGO!! You are entitled to have a life that you are happy with, and from what i read; you are not happy at all! Another thing I want you to remember; Alimony is negociable!!! sounds like she thinks she will be sitting on her butt collecting money from you. You must protect your rights to make sure you pay as little as possible. If she is truly disabled and can't work- it should be documented by a real doctor. Get filling and go on with your life- she needs to grow up and be an adult. and yes, I am a woman!! Tractormom