Alimony is very painful. Mine lasted only 5 years but it was painful enough for me that I was unwilling to have cordial relations with my ex. The way I got through it was to ask myself, "Do I still have what I need despite what I have to give to her for no good reason?" The answer, in my case, as I suspect it is in yours was, "Yes, I am very fortunate." Answer the question and then give yourself a break - stop picking at it.