Divorce Support Forums: Reimbursement power struggle

My concern about surrendering when the kids are young is setting a precedent for this to continue in virtual perpetuity. It would make tons of snese to surrender when they're about to graduate high school and the child support order end date is in sight.

But my husband's ex would take it if we paid for something, and expect us to pay for more. What am I saying? she WOULD take it? She HAS taken it. We pay for this, that, the other thing. We had extra written into the child support formula to specifically go JUST to the extracurriculars, and he gave her extra early on to take care of things, outside of the child support agency so that it didn't get onto their account books even though it officially does count according to the court... and so we're abotu $2000 ahead of the actual SUPPORT, but SEVERAL thousand more in gifts to the kids, for camps, clothing, extra classes, special tournament fees, etc. And STILL she says that she needs more.

I KNOW this. When we give a dime, she thinks it means we have more to give. She thinks that next year, when that same expense arises, that we'd better pay it. She runs around telling people we're stingy and abusive and refuse to "support" the children in their activities. She even teaches the kids that the definition of "emotional abuse" is "failure to support their activities". Oh, it's a long, stupid mess.

If paying her off would shut her up and make her relax and stop interfering with parenting time, we'd be happy to do it. Put it on credit cards if we had to.

But it won't.

So, my advice is to figure out how much the difference is, and if it turns otu to be something that you'll be able to deal with every year for the next however many years till the kidsa re grown, then surrender... but if it turns out to be as many thousands as my husband is being asked to kick in (enough to effectively double the price of child support and alimony altogether!) I'd keep up the annual springtime struggle.

But there's no way to make a decision till you have the numbers in your hand. You have an advantage over us in that it seems not to be a nickle here, a dime there, the way it is with us... with a new $300 demand every week, punctuated by a $1000 arrearage in her failure to pay thier dues to thier major sports organizations for a year at a time, arriving about once every other month... for you, if you go over the whole shebang once a year, that's GREAT, becasue you can add it up and it can becoem a budget item rather than just something she expects you to toss a little pocket change at on a daily basis. (yep, she thinks $300 is pocket change, but that's also a whole 'nother story).

If it's possible to figure the numbers, do it first. And THEN decide if the struggle (and the future years worth of this number) is worth it.

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