Divorce Support Forums: Where to begin...

My wife and I will have been married for 5 years this August. We were married after dating for a year and a half, but we had been friends for years before that. She is 28; I am 31.

I loved her from the moment I met her. There was something about her I just could not resist, but for many years we remained friends. She loved me as a friend; I loved her as far more. I did anything I could for her, just to be with her. I did her taxes, helped her move, and listened whenever she had a problem. This continued until the suicide of a close friend (whom she had dated a few months prior to his death). After his death we sought comfort in each other, and a romance blossomed for which many of my friends had misgivings, but they were kind enough to not speak of directly.

My wife-to-be encouraged me to apply to an east coast school for my master’s degree (I am a teacher, and she was working an office job). I was accepted, and we moved away together to a place where we knew no one. Those two years were magical; I went to school, took care of the apartment, and worried about the finances. She worked another office job, supporting me through it all.

After I completed my degree, we decided it was her turn for school. I warned her things would be hard. We moved back to the Midwest, she enrolled in a nursing program, and I went back to teaching (working two jobs). She wanted to buy a house, which was not possible with our debt at the time (even with me working two jobs). I told her we could, if she was willing to work while in school. She agreed to this compromise, and she began working a retail job to supplement our income.

The two year program she enrolled in became four; I accepted this as a minor set back. She continued to work and go to school; I worked both jobs and took care of the bills. We had ups and downs, but we moved forward together.

Over the past year, however, things began to change. The retail job she worked cut her hours last summer; She promised to look for other work but moved very slow doing it. She finally found another retail job, but once again did not get the hours. Money became very tight, and I became stressed and depressed. I did not blame her; I silently tried to do the best I could. I borrowed a few thousand dollars from my grandfather…then a few thousand more. Life became very hard, but I told myself…and my wife…that we would get through.

She was set to graduate in May. We were finally coming out of the “tough part” of our lives. But over the past month she became very irritable. Everything I did seemed wrong, but when I asked what was the matter she simply said school was stressing her out. I accepted this and backed off. Three weeks ago she finally told me she felt we had lost our connection. We had not had sex in 6 months. The stress/depression of making ends meet for us had taken a toll on me that I hadn’t noticed. She had tried to initiate a romantic encounter once in the previous two months, waking me up at 4 in the morning when she was intoxicated. I had pushed her away, as I had a 13-hour day ahead of me. An argument ensued, but I thought we had reached an understanding about my stress level/depression.

I felt terrible, and immediately offered some solutions to fix the problem (going to bed at the same time, eating dinner together, taking more time for just us). She, however, felt that she should spend some time at her mother’s. I had heard this threat before (whenever we have fought over the past year…only three times prior…she goes to pack a bag). Instead of begging her to stay, this time I let her go. Over the course of the week, we had a few arguments, as well as some constructive talks. She has her last major test coming up, but I asked her to at least come to a decision as to whether or not she wanted to work on this (I suggested marriage counseling).

Last Sunday she came over to talk…and told me she wanted a divorce. I am still in shock. She has since moved out most of her clothes, and has told me she will finish after the test. I am devastated and still in shock. We have fought over the past week a few times. I have said things I regret. But I simply do not know what to do. The fact that she is not willing to try counseling, to try anything, to save our marriage has destroyed me.

I told her to call me after the test…I am hoping she will change her mind. But something inside me tells me this is it. I am losing my wife and my best friend. I feel used, betrayed, and heartbroken. After getting her degree, she is walking out, along with our future together. I am not sure why I am posting this, perhaps to get it off my chest. For those of you who took the time to read this, thank you. I just needed to tell someone not so close to the situation (family, friends, etc.).

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