Well, she passed her test and will graduate on Friday. I had to call her on Monday to find out the results, even though she had promised to call me. I asked if she would come over and spend some time with me, and she agreed...this gave me hope that perhaps things could be repaired.
The evening was enjoyable, although a little tense. She still had nothing to really say about us, and we only talked about it a little. She said she was still reeling from the test, which I accepted. Dinner and a movie, a hug goodnight, and she went back to her mom's house.
Yesterday she was supposed to call me...once again she did not. I called her an hour after she said she would call, only to find out that she was hanging out with her sister. Although I figured she had no real intention of calling me, I asked if she would call when she was done. She agreed.
A few hours later she called. I did almost all the talking...she has not "had time" to think about us. She said she enjoyed the previous evening, but that it "didn't change anything." She also said she was still trying to decide if she wanted a divorce or if she wanted to think about it more. Trying to decide if she wants to think about us...makes no sense to me.
At this point, it has become really hard to hold onto any hope. I know that we had problems, but how they are divorce type problems confuses me. And the fact that she is not thinking about us at all...or claiming not to...when that is ALL I do is unthinkable to me. How she could turn her feelings for me off like a light switch...I just don't understand, mentally or emotionally.
I understand that we had intimacy problems, but those were caused by my concerns for her...for us. Now, I feel like an afterthought. All the love, concern, work, trust and dedication I put into our relationship is feeling irrelevant. I just don't know what to do...
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