Divorce Support Forums: Trashing the ex

Hi all. I've not posted for a while. I do lurk from time to time to see what's up though. I'm over two years separated & 1 1/2 years divorced.

For those who don't remember, my ex was depressed, didn't want sex, was verbally abusive. I tried & tried, then gave up and he readily gave me a divorce. It was only later I found out that he had a GF. For so long I was angry and though I didn't often trash my ex, I would tell almost anyone the "true facts" of the divorce. I now have a few regrets and a little insight.

I wish I had kept silent to all but a few close friends about my ex's misdeeds. My main reason is this: He is the father of my children. The world doesn't need to know the things he did to me. Those facts have the potential to come back to my kids in some way and hurt them.

Turns out, the foundation I have with my kids was strong enough to hold. Trashing their father didn't make them love me any more. They knew full well (or would have found out) what happened and didn't actually need to hear it from me or anyone else.

Secondly, in some odd way, me and my ex will always be family. The further I get away from the divorce, the more I see that having had children together, it will always be so. As family, I feel an odd sense of wanting to not drag us (albeit split) through the mud.

My negative comments and gossipy tidbits became carrion for vultures looking for dirt. They reflected badly on the ex, sure, but they also did on me and my kids. Yuk.

While I don't punish myself and do understand what I did, I wished I'd kept my mouth shut and taken the high road.

My two cents from down the road.

Love,

Mari

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The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.

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