Divorce Support Forums: i feel so defeated

I know how you feel. The system does not reward cooperative but they will punish non-cooperative. The reality is that if you can't make the times given - then the other parent is within their rights to not make a change. If you can ask your company to bear with you while this is happening, I would do it. Equally, you had a right to set up care for your son so that at least he would be with your family or friends. If your ex wants to be a stickler for the agreement and it does not have first right of refusal....you had no obligation to leave them with each other.

Believe it or not - following the agreement to the letter helps you. If he is truly an addict - he will not be able to follow this for any period of time. Inherently, they do not like rules.

Breathe. Go on your trip and when you get back, make sure you are ready emotionally for Wed. Your child can't feel that you are not ok when they are not with you as hard as that is.

But, document all of this. Document the day care and everything. The one good thing about an addict - they are going to screw up. They cannot carry this through at any level. It will take years off your life until you are done, but you will get through it.

It sounds like your lawyer is proactive. Here is a crap reality - you married an addict. He is not going to change and you are always going to bear the brunt of that to protect your child. But, when you get through, you will learn to set up some boundaries that will help you. I have been where you are. It is a dark place, but I promise, long term, this fight will be worth it and the 3-4 days will not be anything more than a few days in a lifetime. It is hard to see that when you are swallowed whole by the chaos your ex creates, but if you can get some distance, you will be able to see it.

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