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As most of you know, I have a friendly relationship with the STBX. Not a FWB relationship, but we get along very well.
Last night, I went to her house to help her setup her wireless internet connection. I was coming back from jujitsu, so it was around 10 pm. She was laying in the bed with the boys in their room, asleep. I go to use her restroom and spot a birth control container on the counter.
Ok, here's the part that's confusing me...
I'm not upset about it. In fact, I kind of had a feeling she was having sex with someone else by now. She checked out of the relationship well before me. So, she's likely ready to have that kind of intimacy, whereas I'm not yet.
But, for some reason, I can't stop thinking about it. I don't even care if she's having sex. I'm not sad about it. I'm completely indifferent. But I can't help but see that pill case in my head.
Maybe I just need to write about it. I don't want to tell anyone about it, because that might put her in a bad light.
Thoughts? Am I really more upset about this than I'm allowing myself to feel?
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Can't get this thought out of my head
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