I take it that you are in the military? You are in a very difficult situation and feeling overwhelmed. The biggest obstacle is the upcoming deployment, but it is not for another eight months and things may have settled down by then. Is there a trusted friend, supervisor, or chaplain that you can talk with? Let them know the pressures you are under right now. You are not weak, selfish, or crazy, you’ve got a lot going on, but there are people who can help you through this and you will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel. Seek some help.
As sad as you may feel, you’ve got a wonderful thing going for you and that is your baby boy who will bring you years of joy!