Divorce Support Forums: When is it no longer poor taste?

You said:

My point here is that there are always 2 sides to every story. When using words like cheat-mate and cheater, you unnecessarly define the "Step" as nothing but that. I am a past leader of 2 different fraternal organizations, top salesman in my company, a good provider for my step-family, etc. The bio-dad in my case is none of those things.

My response:

You are also the one that had an affair with a married woman. That is cheating. Like it or not, you cheated. Doesn't matter what the bio father does or doesn't do. He is the father.

Now ask yourself this question: What's going to stop her from cheating on you? She has shown quite clearly that she is capable of cheating.

You said:

Why shouldn't I be interested in the well-being of a child that looks to me with love and respect?

My response:

If you had the well-being of the child in mind, you would not have helped break up her family.

You said:

I have said to her from the very beginning that I am NOT her father.

My response:

No, the guy whose wife you stole is the father.

You said:

I go back to my original question, when and where does this stop. Do I not attend dance recitals and plays? How about graduation? Her wedding as a young woman? When is it incumbant on the bio-dad to reign in his OWN emotions and ego?

My response:

You don't actually expect him to be your friend, do you? You did, after all, commit adultery with his wife.

You said:

In labeling me, or anyone like me with the cutesy term "cheat-mate", you are also letting the bio-dad off the hook for his own actions, thus permitting him to do literally anything. In my case, bio-dad regularly uses his daughter as a cudgel to punish and manipulate Mom. When does that stop, and more importantly why shouldn't it?

My response:

The child shouldn't be used against either parent.

But that doesn't change the fact that you are a cheatmate. Don't like that label, then you shouldn't have cheated with a married woman.

You said:

I don't know what the particulars of Faith's situation is, but I say if the "step" is willing and able to support her daughter in whatever endeavor, then more power to him.

My response:

Faith is still married to the child's bio father.

You said:

I'm almost 50 years old and in the last year, friends and family alike have defined my 50 years of existance in one word - Cheater. Frankly, I'm tired of it. It's ludicrous to define a persons life by any one single act.

My response:

You may have a lot of definitions of you as a person, everybody does.

Cheater happens to be one of yours. Like it or not, you cheated with a married woman. That is part of who you are.

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