Divorce Support Forums: More Pained than Positive Today

Hi Patty

I'm sorry you're feeling bad - it's the roller coaster. Or the 'three steps forward, two back' syndrome. I honestly think you can't underestimate the power of grief and the cycle you have to go through. The rational side of you works through divorce quickly, even if you remain argumentative about it. It's the emotional side that catches us out again and again. I've put the grief cycle in this reply for you. Re-reading it off and on has helped me understand my feelings and why I feel the way I do sometimes. (Just last week, I was consumed with rage again!) Reading the stuff about the grief cycle helps me understand it's still a process that I've got to get through. I hope this helps you too.

FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF:

1- Denial
Conscious or unconscious refusal to accept facts, information, reality, etc., relating to the situation concerned. It's a defence mechanism and perfectly natural.

2 - Anger
Anger with yourself, and/or with others, especially those close to you.

3 - Bargaining
Attempting to bargain with whatever God you believe in. Or seeking to negotiate a compromise. e.g. "Can we still be friends?.." when facing a break-up. Bargaining rarely provides a sustainable solution, especially if it's a matter of life or death.

4 - Depression
Also referred to as preparatory grieving. In a way it's the dress rehearsal or the practice run for the 'aftermath' although this stage means different things depending on whom it involves. It's a sort of acceptance with emotional attachment. It's natural to feel sadness and regret, fear, uncertainty, etc. It shows that you have at least begun to accept the reality.

5 - Acceptance
Again this stage definitely varies according to your situation, although broadly it is an indication that there is some emotional detachment and objectivity.

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