Divorce Support Forums: When is it no longer poor taste?

[quote]Here's the problem. If you are the type of person to move on with a new relationship before tellign the previous relationship that it's over, then it's going to haunt you forever. There's no getting around that no matter how good you are in other areas. It's best to simply back off and not involve yourself in anything involving the previous relationship, including the kid's lives, becasue eventually the kids will grow up old enough to put together a few memories and figure it out. Just like they eventually check to see if Mom & Dad's anniversary was at least 9 months before the date of birth of the oldest child, they're going to know whether or not it's appropriate for Daddy to now be married to his mother's former best friend, and when, exactly, did that best friend start showing up during the day when mom was gone.

Truly, in those situations it's always in poor taste, the whole relationship is in poor taste and there's no way to fix it. That's the type of person you are if you've done that and you have to live with the reputation that follows.
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I find this part interesting as my first ex-husband possibly fathered his then best friends wife's child who was born 3 months before our son was born. They don't know for sure whose child it is...but just the chance that my ex is the father means that he was obviously cheating with her, she was cheating with him and yet I'm the one that is villified. My son at 13 knows what it means that he has a (possible) brother who is 3 months older than him, as his father and I were married until he was 2. Do these other kids understand? I'm sure its been twisted in such a way that what they were doing wasn't wrong and that my son was probably more of the "oops", though he was planned and his step-mom had more children with her then husband after this child.
Anyhow, once I realized that she was going to be a long-term part of my ex's life is when I stopped being mad about the inevitable. My son called her on mothers day to wish her a good day. My son calls her mom when he is at their home. She is super involved and my choices were to either be bitter about it thus trying to make her and ex miserable which would then make my son miserable or to deal with it in an adult manner so my son didn't feel out of place at either home. My son is more important to me then trying to oust her.

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