Divorce Support Forums: I know youve heard it before, but help me out here

I'm at the very beginning of a divorce. She informed me two weeks ago. Nothing filed, yet.

My wife of 20 yrs has gone midlife crazy and wants out, says she just doesn’t love me anymore (how freaking convenient is that?!)

She was a stay at home lazy *ss mom for about 14-15 yrs of it.

She has worked the last couple of yrs. And she worked prior and a few times during.
I bring about 65-70k and she about 25K.

The kids’ are17 & 15. I accept paying child support. No problem.

But like, I imagine, probably every other guy on here it galls me to think about paying SS. After I have let her sit on her butt for 14 yrs already, sleeping in late and doing little of nothing.

Now she wants out for no good reason against me and I have to maintain a lifestyle that we can't even afford now! We are so tight budgeted we can't do anything. Will that be taken into consideration? She has always spent money we don't have continuously putting us in debt. I work long hrs just to get by. Heck if she wants out, I would like to be able to back off on the damn hrs. I've been killing myself for her and now I have to continue to do so and reap no benefits!?

I would also like to know if maintaining my lifestyle is even taken into consideration.

She wants out and yet it appears I will have to move out to lesser digs and live on less! After years of supporting her.

That is f*ucked up! big time! I could almost see it if I was running off and leaving her hanging. But that is not the case. In fact it is her who has been having “emotional affairs” with younger single men. While I sit home and demand, reason, and beg her to behave to the point she’s sick of me, I guess.

Kentucky (where we live) is a no fault state, but I think I understand that fault can/might be taken into consideration in regards to SS. I have some evidence, possibly enough to establish guilt.

Right now, we are amiable. I am being a nice guy and we are going to sit down and divvy things up and then look at the budget (where I might loose it when she says she needs such and such to maintain).

We have a nice home and she drives a very nice car (way beyond our means, while I drive a value pkg civic). We have zero equity and a 2nd mrtg. Some serious CC debt and her car payment and my daughters car (nice also) payment are deducted out of my check.
I have close to 400k in retirement funds that she will want half of, I’m sure. And she will gladly burn a fourth or third of it in tax penalties just to get the rest as cash in hand to blow.

I just wonder if I would do any better to get a high dollar attorney and try to beat this SS? Or should I just try to convince her of my inability to pay and the unfairness of having to pay other than temporary. I do think she feels a little bad about that part but she loves money more than anything and would not hesitate to cut any balls off to get it (probably over dramatic here…but)

OK, sorry this is so long. I appreciate any and all feedback. Oh and yes I have schedule a therapist to help me deal with all these emotions and I see my GP this afternoon regarding my BP, etc…but thanks.

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