Divorce Support Forums: Is it possible to sue my husband's mistress?

Here's the problem: You don't even have a clue if she knew that he was married and not separated or anything else at the time she slept with him. Did he take a DNA test to prove that the child was or was not his?

Now, you don't have hte right to sue a third party for alienation of affection in Georgia any more, but even if you did, you'd have to prove that she knew you were married to him and that her presence in the situation destroyed the marriage. I gather that he returned to you after the affair was over, or else she'd not be suing him for child support, would she? He'd have already been supporting his 4th child.

He's an idiot, by the way, to have unprotected sex with a different woman, already having three children of his own, unless of course he's a millionaire!

But everyone is entitled to a mistake or two in life. His is a doozy, but if you and he are both willing to work on it, you can get past it. He needs to learn, obviously, how to express his feelings rather than simply walking out & having an affair when he's upset about something. And significant counseling will be needed. You have had the ability to completely trust him ripped away ... so it's a question of whether you are able to find a way to resolve this for yourself.

Can you live with a man you can't trust? Can you find a way to trust him enough again to get past this?

Is he a good father? Is he a good provider? Are you employed and able to make it on your own if you decided not to stay with him?

Your next moves in life will depend upon the answers to those questions.

First and foremost: You need to be able to support yourself if that situation arises. So if you're still with him, make a plan. Figure out how you're going to do this if he continues to be a dog sniffing after every butt he sees. Do you need an education? A license? Experience? Figure it out. If you were a stay-at-home mom before, you might not be able to afford it now. You might have to build experience as an employee so that you won't be too far behind if the marriage crumbles. And if he's opposed to that, the fact that he has another whole child to support as a result of his infidelity should certainly convince him that maybe a few more bucks coming into the household would be a better idea than having the luxury of you staying at home and doing the cooking & cleaning & laundry.

To do this, the way your household is organized will have to change. He MUST participate more. This might be just the type of thing that would get him more engaged and more likely to TALK if something is wrong. It's a tough thing for both people to change and accomodate a situation like this, but it can be done. Others have done it.

SECOND: You need to get counseling... both of you. individually and as a couple. To decide whether you want to stick with it, whether you CAN stick with it. How are you going to work out parenting, and how are you going to handle being a stepparent to a new baby as well? He is this child's father, so there is a responsibility to be involved in this child's life. It's awful, but ...

THIRD: you will need to get legal help ... or rather, HE will need legal help... to figure out what to do about the serious problem of him having a child, a child support obligation, and probably wanting to take care of his emotional responsibilities and be a PARENT to this other child... it means spending the next 18 years havign to deal with this woman at transfers of custody. You will have to find a way to get over it for the sake of the child. And if you're lucky, she'll be a decent human being who didn't know he was married at the time and did not engage in a long term affair and does not choose to continue to have a relationship with him but will do so for the sake of the child... if you're not QUITE as lucky, she's a nutcase who he will be embarassed about having been with and the regular contact will just make you look like a saint in comparison and he'll work that much harder never to make this mistake again.

Good luck and let us know how things are going, what choices you make.

But a lawsuit against her ... that's not one of your choices.

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