Divorce Support Forums: separated and hating it

i would like to also give a women's perspective.

for women that request a div/sep, a lot of times it is because they feel taken for granted or they feel they are not being treated well. they are looking for a reaction from their H's that shows some depth of feeling. i'm assuming here, but from my experience and what i've seen of marriages, the husbands put the ring on and feel their job is done. romance and chivalry toward the wives goes out the window. (i've seen my husband nearly knock someone over to open the door for an attractive girl w/a carriage). meanwhile, a few weeks later, i came home from grocery shopping w/our 10month old baby. i get out of the car w/her on one arm, the diaper bag on another, a grocery bag hanging from one pinky, fumbling for keys and all the while my husband is across the street having a conversation w/our neighbor. he waves at me and never bothers to come over to help. what the hell is that? no, he def was not involved in any way w/neighbor. but when i confronted him, he said "we were in the middle of a conversation." Well, duh, say excuse me i need to give my wife a hand. That's just one example. here's another; i had the baby on one arm while trying to manuever the carriage down a few stairs. he was mowing the lawn, but never bothered to stop to help me. this was shortly after i discovered his online transgression that was full of niceties toward a near stranger. come on guys, what is this kind of sh1t? i'm still married but that is the kind of stuff (and lots more probs of course) that would make me want and go through with a separation. and unless my H can convince me that he really loves me and needs me and regrets taking advantage of me; i would not give it a second thought and go through w/a divorce.

men, alot of your stuff is caught up in pride. it does no good. women are looking for reactions. you say, your woman leaves and boom, you are slamming the door shut behind her and cutting all ties. you are just spiting yourself. if you want to keep it together, you should give her space and in the meantime, take a hard look at what you may have done to cause her to want to leave. then see if you can't win her back. try swallowing your pride and admit you may not be the man and H you think you are. my H thinks he's the best H to come down the pike. Well I can tell you he is a great provider and great Dad, but he lacks severely in the emotional support, attentive and affection areas. i truly believe he thinks he brings home the check and his job is done. oh, i could go on and on. thankfully we are going to counseling to hopefully address and resolve these issues.

i am not answering anyone in particular because i really don't know enough about all of your stories. i guess in some cases the wives have been super biatches. i don't necessarily think that because a wife wants a separation, that she is treating her husband like a dormat. these are just some general observations, but when wives leave they may be in real pain and don't want to be taken advantage of anymore. they need the time to see how things are w/o you, which in turn could give them a new appreciation for you, which in turn could make for a better marriage if you reunite. i can understand the crushing part of being told, I want to separate (translated by hubs as "I don't love you anymore"). That is not always the case. If you want to work it out, you will respect her need to clear her head, etc. Of course, in the cast of running to another guy's arms.....that's kind of shitty. However, if they are not feeling it at home, it's not hard to fall victim to someone elses advances.

lots of blabbing....hope i made some sense.

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