Divorce Support Forums: Trying to Save My Marriage

I am a 37 year old mother of 3 beautiful girls who woke up Friday to have my entire life (20 Years) with the same man turned upside down. We have had our fair share of disputes throughout the 20 years we have been together as I moved in with him one month before my 18th Birthday. We had a nice evening out with Friends for Dinner however he seemed very distant as I look back on. I ended up driving home separatley thinking he would shortly follow however to my suprise at 5:30 am he came in still up from the night before. He advised me he did not love me and had filed for divorce- unfortunatley in front of my 10 year old daughter who worships the ground he walks on.

He has convinced himself that I am being unfaithful which is not the case. I placed an attorney on retainer as I am terrified. I love my husband to no end however we have not had any communication in our marriage for several years. We both work fulltime at stressful jobs and have our 3 girls in competitive cheer so when we do talk is usually not nice comments about one of being to worn out to care what the other is feeling. I have not see my husband for 5 days with the exception of a horrible confrontation yesterday evening when he was to come to the house to take care of kids for a few hours. I could not help but breakdown and try to explain to him how much I still loved him which he in turn took to be a "game" to get him to stay-needless to say it turned ugly. I am horribly depressed and have had thoughts of ending it all which ended me up in the ER and on medication which has dulled some pain.

I don't know what to do at this time, he calls our mutual friends and says to tell the kids he is coming to see them and that he loves them however he never shows up. He called me at 5:30 this morning to let me know he had no money to hire an attorney and wanted me to back off my attorney so we could talk and that he would call me after work. Here I sit waiting for a call 3 hours after he was off, should I have backed off and not filed or am I being played. ( I will add to my misery - my dear aunt of 48 years old is dying in a hospital as I type).

What Can I do to get him back - do I give him space and not go after him for support at this time- by the way he is not living up to his financial responsibility at this time.. he is mine and my daughters world and can't bare to live without him..Will the pain ever stop??

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